7 Ways to Challenge the Voice of Shame

Shame can destroy our sense of personal well-being and self-esteem. It can make everything ahead of us look murky and gray, and the lies it tells us about ourselves can make us believe it’s not worth it. Struggling with shame is one of the most discouraging experiences imaginable. Yet, once we are able to challenge it and develop resilience, we can do ANYTHING.

Recently I wrote a story about my own experiences with challenging the voice of shame. Now, I want to share with you seven tools I use to grapple with shame and challenge its lies and take back my power.

1. Get-Off: Fierce Tender Approval!

My first tip for dealing with shame is get-off. If you are beginning this work, and you grew up in America’s culture of double-standards, you probably are starting out with copious amounts of shame. It’s debilitating. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is have extra amounts of approval for it! If you can’t move because you are wading through the thick, tarry swamp of shame, start loving it. The more approval you have for it, the faster you will get OUT.

2. Acknowledge it.

Shame often attacks without warning, like a very sneaky predator. What do we do then? Imagine yourself sitting at the dinner table, family surrounds you, and somebody says something that just triggers you. One moment you were laughing and full of light, the next moment, the shame monster is on your back, and you want to crawl into your soup. You have one of two options here. You can crawl into your soup, and get small, and ignore the vicious pumping of your own heart, listening to the voices of shame whispering in your head…or…You can acknowledge it’s voice, feel into your body, and hear what your body wants to say. If it’s appropriate, share the fact that you had shame come up with the people you’re with. Give it space. Don’t try to shun it, or repress it. Open to it.

3. Ask it what it wants.

What does your particular brand of shame want? What purpose is it there to serve? How is it protecting you? How is it keeping you safe? How is it keeping you stable? Listen. It has wisdom for you.

4. Explore YOUR desires.

Shame is a desire-inhibitor. You probably have a desire that, every time it comes up for you, it gets the cold bucket of water of shame thrown on it, like attempts to put out a fire. What would happen if you didn’t try to put out the fire?

5. Confront your fears.

If there’s shame, you gotta bet fear is very close behind it. Fear is actually great — it tells us where to go. But when fear is acted on unconsciously, and when we aren’t clear about what are fears actually are — things gets messy. So find out. Acknowledge anywhere you aren’t being honest with yourself. I mean, you probably are afraid to have what you truly desire, because that’s what happens when shame is involved. Often, the things we are most averted from are actually are true desires.

6. Trust your intuition!

Deepen your connection to the Great Creator by being willing to face the darker shades of your nature. When the light is in alignment with the darkness, truth ensues. Be willing to be with ambiguity. Get comfortable with uncertainty. If there’s anything that has blown my world open to be lightyears more free of shame, it’s that! It’s being brave even in the face of the unknown!

7. Celebrate your complexity!!!!

My final way to challenge the voice of shame and banish its effects is this: celebrate your complexity. No one is as you are. There is nothing, no one, in the whole universe that is exactly like you. The unique combination of your perspective, what you appreciate and love, your experiences, your desires, your fears, all forms together to create a being that is entirely unlike anything else that has ever existed, or ever will exist. You are perfect. Nature doesn’t make mistakes. The more you love yourself and celebrate your complexity, the more you cultivate your inner medicine, the more the real you, the one who is beneath all the other layers, will come out.

So!

I hope you enjoyed my list of 7 ways of challenge the voice of shame. If you have any other ideas, or if anything came up for you while reading this, please leave a comment! Share with your friends, and feel free to keep us updated on how your journey goes with challenging shame and reclaiming your authentic voice. We’re all in this together.