An Open Letter To The Greatest Woman In The World
It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to write to you. I know that these past few months have taken a toll on our relationship because we stopped seeing eye-to-eye on many aspects of my life, and that’s okay because this opens up dialogue for us to communicate and be transparent with each other. I only hope that through these times we can understand each other better, but I want to take a moment to reminisce.
When I was in elementary school, I used to get sick a lot. It usually wasn’t just a common cold, but instead they were gnarly flus that kept me out of school for weeks on end. I can’t remember if it was in the 2nd grade or the 4th grade when I got so sick, I missed school for an entire month. You were there for me through it all. You took me to the doctors, made medicine for me, and always made sure that I was warm enough. You never once yelled at me when I got sick, and you never complained about how tiring and worrisome it was whenever I got sick.
In my senior year of high school, I blacked out in the bathroom. I still thank the universe because you came just in time to knock on the door and help me. You caught me and held onto me with all your strength as I collapsed. You held me up as I fell over again. You didn’t give up on me.
During my first year of college, I had a panic attack one morning and almost blacked out in the middle of the hall way. I was so scared that you were going to be angry, but you weren’t. You called and asked if I was doing okay, and I just broke down and cried because I was so scared. You told me everything would be okay.
In my second year of college, I had a mental breakdown at 2 am during finals week. I texted you all my thoughts because I didn’t want to wake you up, but I didn’t know who else to go to. You woke up just to respond to me and reassured me that I would succeed.
Whenever I went home for break, you checked up on me while I was asleep and tucked me in to make sure I wasn’t cold. You would always ask me if I wanted something to eat because you didn’t want me to get hungry. Everything you do, you’re always thinking of me.
Now I’m in the last quarter of my undergrad, and this past weekend, I hurt my head walking into a sign. This has never happened to me, and I panicked. You called me twice a day for three days just to make sure I was okay and taking care of myself. You taught me how to make soup to help with the wound. You taught me home remedies that you used when I hurt my head as a kid to help ease the pain. I realized that this was the most we communicated in a week since I’ve moved away.
As much as I like to think that I’m strong and independent, at the end of the day, I still depend on you so much. You are the only one that I find solace and shelter in. Even 400 miles away, I can feel your love and your warmth. You make it possible for me to break down all walls and barriers and break down so that I could build myself back up again. I depend on you in my dark times to help me through, and when everything is alright and going well, you are there ready to catch me when I fall. You are my real life moon, my luna. This entire time I was seeking stability, consistency, and someone that I could always count on. I’m almost angry at myself that I overlooked that you were exactly what I was looking for. You were here all along, and I didn’t have to do any searching. I know now.
I know that life is short and our time together keeps diminishing, but please stay healthy and stay by me for a very long time. I’m terrible at expressing my feelings towards you, but I need you more than I think and more than you know. You are the strongest human being I know. You are the greatest woman in the world. Thank you for staying by me, supporting me, not giving up on me and loving me.
I love you, mom.