How to stop getting cat called
I am here to tell you to have confidence to say something the next time you’re cat called.
A few weeks ago, I caught a young man taking a picture under my skirt with his phone. It was 90 degrees outside and very humid. When I realized what he was doing, I turned around, grabbed him by the shoulders and started slapping, yelling and shaking his 15 year old body. He somehow got loose and scurried down the NYC streets like the pizza rat that he is. I felt very violated and vulnerable.
The post-modern peeping Tom is creepier and leaves you feeling even more defenseless and demeaned, because his reach is larger. This man was taking a digital record of my butt and my crotch, so means he could share and distribute my body’s content without my permission.
A week later, I was taking a break from my run. I decided to grab a quick ice cream cone at McDonald’s. The guy who was working told me that I looked really sexy sweaty and that he wished he could watch me eat the ice cream cone. This also left me feeling undermined and demeaned. I didn’t know what to do, so I rolled my eyes and left with my cone. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a response.
As I finished the cone sitting on sidewalk in Central Park, I realized that he needed to be schooled for being rude and inappropriate. Catcalling is unsolicited sexual harassment and will not stop if we stay silent.
I got home and looked on the Internet to find out other effective ways to respond to cat callers but came up short (except for this, this and this article). Aside from shooting cat callers the bird, many women still choose to not respond and ignore cat callers instead of saying something. This is a problem. How can we get equality in the workplace if we can’t get equality on the street?
I am proposing that we harness our #catittude. Cattitude is what you feel when you let your instincts take over and defend yourself to a catcaller [by telling them how you feel]. It is an attitude that demands respect. Cattitude is a feeling that will make you proud walking down the street rather than being scared someone is going to verbally assault you.
Here are the phases I’ve gone through in dealing with cat callers :
Phase 1:
Slapping, Spitting, Yelling: Phase 1 is pretty boorish. After the guy took that picture under my dress, every “hey baby” or “hello beautiful” got me really riled up and kind of violent. I tried everything from causing a loud scene to slapping, spitting in faces and yelling at these guys. This is not the best approach, because physical violence is never the answer… I needed a more evolved approach.
Phase 2:
For men in trucks or working, I started calling their office or asking to speak to supervisors. This has been an extremely effective approach, because many of the cat callers I’ve experienced running have been in trucks with their business’s name on it. Business people have enough to worry about and have been concerned and receptive to talking to their employees about yelling from their trucks.
For men on the street, I now diplomatically acknowledge they’re being rude. Some phrases I’ve started using which work really well and typically elicit an apology:
- You are being rude.
- No one likes it when you say stuff like that.
- It makes me feel uncomfortable, because I don’t know you.
When it comes down to it, every one of these male cat callers has a mother, sister, auntie and (maybe even a) wife or girlfriend. By being vocal about our feelings, we can take control over the way these DBs are making us feel and at the same time reframe the way they think about their actions and words.
