I Used to Live in the Nineties

I’m from the nineties…1989 for six months, then everything was in the nineties for ten years. When I left I was embarrassed and stiff-shouldered all the time. I didn’t drink coffee yet but I had stress to fill a large cup. Could have powered a windmill.

I felt muscular and fat and frizzy and warm when I left the nineties. I started doing tasks quickly and racing and grinding my teeth and “dunking” basketballs. I started competing and hating and wishing and envying enough that when I hit my head and woke up, it felt like my life went: childhood…bumpy sheet of gravel-rubber covered in mayo…now.

In the nineties I crammed in pizza and cake and Will Smith and Ninja Turtles. Thank god Sabrina the Teenage Witch stuck around a few years to help me after I left. They don’t make ‘em like that outside the nineties. In the nineties, TV knew it was fake. Not out here. It’s strange out here.

Weird thing is, I have the same fear out here of getting sick. There’s still Pop Tarts, and a lot of people I knew from the nineties moved out here with me. Not all of them. Most of the gone ones moved out before I did — they didn’t move out here though.

You always have a soft spot for the first place you lived.