How can I escape it?

I am no longer with it. I no longer see it, but I can feel it. Or at least the absent of it. I try everyday not to think about it, I focus on other things and manage to be ok but when I go to sleep there it is. I can’t control my dreams and it lives in them. It has made a home out of my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling terrified by it and manage to go back to sleep and there it is again. I can’t make it leave. I guess I don’t want to. I guess that’s the only thing I have left from it. It lives in me, and no one, not even it can take that away from me.