Friendships have their own stories to tell. About their origins, their growth, continuity or discontinuity.

Remember when you made your first friend? How was it like? Did you have a process as such to make a friend? You’d be probably 2 years old when you first heard the word from your mum or dad. It might be just because they were going to places such as their friends or your uncles and aunties; and they too had kids, and mommy and daddy wanted to project you as the good girl or the good boy to the world; and then this ‘tool’ — friendship, so to say came to aid. “Chintu beta, hello bolo… Mona is your friend na?”
 [English translation: “Chintu, say hello; Mona is your friend, right?”].

You’d have probably, no, scratch that, you’d have definitely not understood what being a friend of someone means, what friendship means. You’d probably be thinking why go back in time to remember how I made my first friend or who was it… I’d say, why not? It’s a fantastic Saturday’re probably sipping your favorite coffee with a stylish mug in your hand while relaxing in your balcony, and I think it may be nice to rewind a little bit.

By the time you are 3 or 4 years old, a Mona is your best friend, if you are playing together, or your parents are visiting each other often and in turn you are meeting often. And then nobody can scold Mona, nobody can say anything bad whatsoever to her — like you are her knight in the shining armor, and Mona is always armed in defense of Chintu. In situations which kids usually get into such as “Beta tumne kaanch kyun toda?” — “Aunty, kaanch apne aap toot gaya. Chintu to sirf mujhe ball pass kar raha tha.”
 [English translation: “Why did you break the glass, kid?” — “The glass broke by itself, Chintu was just passing the ball to me”]
That made you smile, right?

So, friendships in childhood are a matter of accident. Whereas in adolescence, they’re a matter of aspiration — you’re always trying to emulate someone, be like someone, look like someone, talk like someone, win over something, and trying to be liked for it. It’s just the age to do all of that. You might be thinking.. “Yup! Been there, done that!” As opposed to the adolescence and childhood, friendships in adulthood are a matter of choice. You get choosy with your circle of people. By the time you reach your adulthood, you’d definitely realize what kind of people you want to be surrounded by, and what kind of people you’re not cut-out to stand. The thoughts are clearer about so many things when you become an adult (For many of us. Others, well, pages and pages can be written on that). Your needs out of a friendship are also well defined so to speak. A childhood friend may or may not come to your rescue if you’re not in touch. But an adulthood friend of your choosing would certainly return your call at 2 in the morning.

Most friendships in adulthood are meant to be there to stay… They are a matter of choice... Your choice. Some friendships are more special than others. Some are even more so; but if you look at friendship as an aspect in the bigger scheme of everything, you’d certainly find that you have grown a lot because of your friends, and friendships with them. You have grown into a person that you are partly because of the friendships that came your way by accident, friendships that you tried to make, and the friendships that you chose to have.

– Saturday, November 19th, 2016.

Originally published at on November 19, 2016.