Mean Girls Suck: Tips To Control Your Emotions When Dealing With A Bully
âMy daughter was profoundly bullied by a group of girls. The school was aware of it but didnât do anything. The behavior in the mean girl group was so calculated that daily in the carpool line after school, they selected a different girl to stand with my daughter so she wasnât standing alone. This wasnât done out of niceness. Rather, to appear to faculty that she was âfriends with themâ so outwardly there were no âred flagsâ that she was being left out. In reality, she was left out of everything and was the victim of targeted, premeditated, brutal bullying behaviors.â
đ€Ż A parent recently shared this as they talked about their daughterâs entire Middle School experience. The longevity and deliberateness of the bullying behaviors was exhaustive. With all of the research Iâve conducted on this topic, Iâve heard a lot of mean girl stories but sadly, this one really blew my mind.
This past school year Iâve had several parents share with me about mean girl bullying behaviors towards their teenage girls. I feel like this negative behavior is on the rise, which is utterly heartbreaking and totally impacts your psychological safety. Sure, itâs not possible to be everyoneâs bestie â but you can always include, and you can always, always, always, be kind.
Back to the above quote, their daughter left that school and now goes to a High School where she has a lovely circle of friends. However, I can tell you without a doubt that the memories, experiences and emotions are100% still with her, because this type of bullying behavior stays with you indefinitely.
đ„ Here are some signs youâre dealing with a mean girl. She:
- Purposely excludes you
- Struggles with jealousy / envy
- Takes credit for something you did
- Lies, gossips or spreads rumors
- Is a bully
- Struggles with anger
- Is hungry for power / control
đ„Bullying and mean girl behaviors pack a big punch! However, you donât have control over the actions of other people. You may impact it, you may trigger it, but control it⊠no. Ultimately itâs their choice to act and behave as they do. At any age this is a hard lesson to learn and understand. Especially if youâre on the receiving end of something so harmful and damaging, like mean-girl-bullying-behaviors.
Itâs important to remember the things you can never control:
- The past
- The future
- The result of things or outcomes
- Other peopleâs opinions or actions
- What other people think of you
What you do in response to that behavior is up to you. Why? Because YOU have control over your own actions. It can be very challenging to not take things personally, to ignore it, and let it slide. Ultimately though, that ends up being a positive reflection about you! Sooner or later, peopleâs negative actions will reveal themselves and show their true colors.
Itâs important to remember the things you can always control:
1. Your attitude
2. Your words
3. Your actions
4. Your manners
5. Your effort
In the heat of the moment, itâs important to try to not react when dealing with a bully. âPracticing the pause,â letâs you stop, think and cool down before engaging. This lets you take control and be proactive, instead of reactive. âPracticing the pauseâ keeps you from saying or doing things that you canât take back and may later regret.
Here are a few strategies to help you control your emotions:
- Practice the pause
- Walk away
- Go outside and get some fresh air
- Practice breathing/ relaxation skills
- Use humor to deflect the situation
- Acknowledge what youâre feeling (labeling it will help you calm down)
Unfortunately, bullies exist and there truly are people who are mean, just for the sake of being mean. If you ever feel that mean/bullying behaviors are compromising your emotional of physical safety, please seek help as no one should have to endure this.
Itâs no doubt that mean girls suck! Itâs hard to be brave and walk away from someone who is toxic. Itâs important however, to remember that words and actions have power and itâs always your choice how you choose to use them. What you do to response to that negative behavior is a positive reflection on you!
âBe brave. Your bravery wins a thousand battles you canât see, because your bravery strengthens a thousand others to win their battles too.â -Ann Voskamp (2020)
If you want to learn more about how to deal with mean girls, in an effort to âfree the world from frenemies,â you can find tips and advice in my book, âBehind Frenemy Lines.â Message me with your proof of purchase, if youâd like the .pdf workbook to go along with it.
Today I will be fearless. Today I am grateful.
Shine on beautiful people. đŠ
P.S. If youâre interested in learning more about psychological safety and how to deal with female frenemies, follow me on LinkedIn!
#psychologicalsafety, #meangirls, #frenemies, #changethebehavior, #empoweringwomen, #sisterhood, #connection, #parentalsupport