Your Anger is Your Real Enemy: Cultivating Resilience in Strife

Anger is a valid emotion, one that serves a good and useful purpose. It can drive us toward overcoming obstacles, seeking justice, setting boundaries, and problem-solving. In its proper place, with the right limits set around it, anger can even be a healthy thing. It is certainly healthier, in almost every case, to experience your anger rather than suppress it.

But anger is not meant to be a long-lived emotion. At least not if we intend to be the most actualized and healthy versions of ourselves. When left out to spoil, anger rots into hatred, malice, contempt, and even self-loathing. It poisons our hearts and minds, and then poisons our relationships.

About three years ago, I went through a six-month period of prolonged and profound anger. My marriage was falling apart and we were separated. I felt alone, isolated, and let down. I was convinced that life had dealt me an unfair hand, and I was furious. During that time, I thought I was healing. I believed it. I allowed myself to experience and express my anger without restraint or apology, and it felt so good. Over time, however, I noticed that my relationship with my anger was changing. I was fixated on it, addicted to it. My anger was becoming part of me.

Thankfully, I caught the problem before it did too much damage to my inner…