Pussy

Day 5 (and 1–4)

A few days ago a cat moved into my house. I am not a fan, nor am I an un-fan of cats. I am indifferent to cats. My middle child is allergic, so having a kitty has never been an option. We recently just moved into our tiny little place and soon after this a black, whiny, skinny cat showed up. Stupid cat.

I usually leave my back door open to let air circulate. I figure I don’t have much to steal and if it did get stolen, it would be worth more. It never occurred to me that wild animals would move in. The first night I saw that cat, it was late, maybe 9:00. I saw it on my daughter's bed. I really just saw it’s green eyes. My heart stopped. Oh God, please be a cat and not a raccoon. It looked at me, hissed, and ran out the door. The next night, it came over again late. I was already asleep. I woke up to noise in my room. Creepy. The cat was riffling through my shiz. The third night I was getting ready to go to a birthday party. The cat came into my bathroom, brushed up against my leg and then yelled at me. He whined and whined and meowed and cried so much. A sad, blithering cat. He kept standing at my refrigerator. I fed him lunch meat. He ate it. Go away cat. I have plans. When I came home he was waiting on my bed. He is an asshole cat.

This cat just walked over and over me. He shoved his face in my face, under my hands, on my phone, on my pillow, in my space. I hate this cat. This is why I don’t have cats. I’m starting to think this cat is me. My soul has jumped beings and now this cat has it trapped. It’s coming to me, crying, begging for love. I put the cat outside.

The next day I may have bought cat food. The cat came back like clockwork. As soon as the sun started to go down, here he was. The children are in love. The cat ate two and half dishes of food and jumped on the counter and licked the butter. This is why we don’t have a cat. Gross. The cat made itself at home. He accosted every family member aggressively. He sat on every seat, on every person, and on every surface. He insisted we all pet him, but only the way he determined or his would bat our hands away.

I put this on Facebook. I put this on craigslist. I am trying to find this cat’s owner. A mutual FB friend thought maybe it was a cat he re-homed. I gave him the general whereabouts of where he might hang out during the day. Later on he sent me a message saying he got him and he is safe and sound with a new home now… But as it turns out, he used to live in our place two years ago. Wow.

So no more cat and no more cat issues. The kids were excited to have an animal and now it’s gone. My soul is still in my body. And it’s still whiny.