There You Are

Selfie
“Michele Clement”

You found me right away. With my first breath, you saw me laying in a puddle of my own goo and you said, I’m here. I will always be here. I listened to you. I followed you. You held my hand when it was shaky. You patted my head as I fell off to sleep.

As the years passed I saw you less and less. I made more friends and I developed interests. You stayed in the background watching, biting your nails, fingers crossed, ever hopeful. You were there when I fell off the high beam and fractured my wrist. You sang me a sweet song as I cried. You said I was more than a cullmination of my achievements. You said it was ok to be weak. You let me be enough at my low point.

When my first friendship fell apart you stepped up and cradled my soul. You collected my broken pieces and put them in a jar with colored marbles and rose petals. When I graduted from my prestigeous college and couldn’t stop smiling, because I did it, you sat there waiting to give me a fist bump and a high five. You whispered don’t quit. You roared for me. Then you and I grew apart. I often thought of you.

My children were born and you showed up. And then one wasn’t. You laid next to me for days. You didn’t move. You didn’t touch me. You just stayed silent. You waited for the sting to become a dull ache. Then you pulled the covers back and carried me to the shower. You bathed me, my scar, my shame. You came to me and said to be low becuase this is a time for being low. You sat across the room and rocked back and forth until I could move again.

You watched me fall in love. You watched me hold my breath for each love letter. You smiled from behind your glasses. Your cheer was contagious. You nodded in approval and slapped my behind with a wink. When I was alone, you visted me at night and uttered your gentle warnings. You reminded not to forget me. You said get lost, get dirty, roll in the mess. You said I had to experience all sides of my being. I did. I forgot all about you.

And when I fell from love, you were already there. In the shadows, you grazed my shoulder. You let me spiral down into fumes. You sat with your legs crossed with a bucket and a mop. You waited and waited and then you cleaned up after me. You told me this is where I have even more choices. You reminded me that I will have many lovers. You told me not to forget you.

From the back seat I see you. From the top of the mountain I see you. From the inside of my eyelids I see you. When I look, you are there. When I stare off, you peak around the corner. Us, together from my first breath. There you are and here I am.