Why Idolisation (of others) Destroys Your Life, Relationships & Confidence
This is one if of favourite topics.
Putting people on a pedestal completely screws us up.
I’m serious, man.
Roll with me for a moment.
When you “look up” to someone, it is essentially an infatuation at some level. Some worse than others. A great example is falling in “love” (which usually is not love, but infatuation; that’s a post for another time); this person is perfect in our eyes at the time.
Just, “oh my gosh, everything I’ve ever wanted”.
They make you “happy”.
And then, a few months, or maybe years in cracks begin to form in that perfect picture and suddenly they annoy the heck out of you, in fact you resent them and cannot stand them (in extreme cases).
They have ‘let you down’, or turned out to ‘not be the person you thought they were’.
Specifically the things you “loved” about them, you now feel triggered by. And the reason for this is — you are triggered because that thing you loved in them, you were not truly owning as yours, and now it feels painful to see because it is a reminder deep down that you are not living your truth. You now resent that person and due to the emotional ‘pain’ response you have you label it as “bad”. And then it switches from you not owning a part of your greatness, to you disowning a part of your darkness. But the truth is, all along, you had both.
Infatuation always leads to resentment. Infatuation, looking up to someone, putting someone on a pedestal, idolising people means that you (without being aware of it sometimes) believe that
- 1. That person is better than you, or has something you don’t.
- 2. That persons ‘shit don’t stink’. AKA, they don’t have ‘bad’ parts or traits so to speak.
Guess what. No one has anything we all don’t have. Good an bad included.
That truth is the cure to infatuation and resentment. You can work through broken friendships, lovers and family pain if you realise that we all have just as much evil as greatness inside of us and stop expecting people to never screw up and let us down. To not have darkness inside of us, to not have failed, or not be perfect or empowered all the time.
Imagine your hero, your idol or your lover.
What do you love about them? Now ask yourself deeply, “how have I shown this same trait/s in my own life”.
Then ask yourself what you dislike about them and ask yourself honestly “how have I shown this same trait/s in my own life”.
You will find, if you work through that hard enough, you both have light and dark within. There is no room for pedestal and idolisation in this world. It will only let you down and destroy your confidence. Let it go, realise that we all poop, we all have evil lurking inside, we all screw up, we all have lies and bad habits and most of all, we are all incredible.
You need two halves to make a whole in this world. Denying that anyone doesn’t have the negative side is just a life that keeps you small and vice versa; denying another greatness, and your own greatness is just disowning a part of you. Balance in your mind, in your perceptions about others and yourself is a powerful and empowering practice.
Do not underestimate the power of balance and seeing the world as it really is — good and bad, positive and negative TOGETHER to make a whole. Nothing is more positive, no one is more negative, it is only our labels and minds that tell us otherwise.
Okay, so did you learn something?
If so, please let me know in the comments below!
I hope this flicked some lights in your brain :)
Don’t forget how incredible you are (and also that you have your own sh*t too).