Immature and triffling indeed. At least it is known better can be done. Seems inconsequential anyhow given the apathy and judgement that was faced.

The part that elicits the angst has nothing to do with the other person though. What disrupts is the automatic submission and apologies that emerge when spoken down to. Damn all the abusers along the way anyhow.

Much was learned. Strength was gained. Ironic insights into the exact compartmentalization that is railed against.

What the fuck is casual friendship anyways? Nothing I care for as an infinite, highly adaptable, sensitive soul.

Just wanted to get to the original idea and complete the mission, denied.

Misinterpretation sucks, but obviously the poetry is too prone to interpretation and frustration or expression of dismay hardly fixes anything.

Big ego that one.

Struck by the notion once again of how people see what they are and reflect what they think. A hike was the request not a marriage proposal. Cute but totally not who I would want to raise a child around. I thought there was authentic interest in mutual care and understanding though, see there is me seeing myself in it too.

Bummer.

But so much else to do, and so relieved tp put it to rest. What was I so attracted to? A test. How secure am I after all that has passed? How deeply do I love myself in spite of terrible events? Standing pretty strong.

Life as a channel, just have to broadcast, can’t do a damn thing about what people hear or see.