Dear Aria,

I think I’m a fairly levelheaded person. Before acting, I usually think of the people involved and how my actions will affect them. I pride myself on remaining emotionally constant and positive in the face of challenges.

Motherhood may be changing that. On Friday, I called the backup daycare center to check on you and Carter, and heard you screaming, distressed, in the background. I tried to address it with your caregiver, but didn’t like her response. That’s when it happened. One moment, I was in my office on the phone. The next, I was out on the sidewalk on my way to the subway station to get to you.

I’m a fairly levelheaded person. I generally don’t go for other people’s throats. But I have never experienced anything like the rage that propelled me out of my office and onto the subway on Friday. I love you, and fear for you, fiercely.

Today the manager of the center called me to apologize, and to tell me that she plans to transition that caregiver out of the infant room, potentially out of the center. Only then did the rage that had been simmering since Friday subside.

I’m writing you this now so that if, as you’re reading this, you’re wondering if your mother was ever rational. I was, I promise you. It’s just that now that you’re here, my love for you overwhelms all reason.

See you soon,

Mama