As I look back …
Today is my birthday. I’m not the only one born today, so Happy Birthday to my fellow revelers — it’s great to be alive!
I see lots of questions on Reddit or Quora like “I’m 21, what should I learn now that will be important for the rest of my life?” or “What should a 25 year old be focused on that will have the biggest impact on my life?”
Those are great questions, and the answers range from complete bullshit to actually great and thoughtful advice. So in the vain of that type of question, here’s my bit of looking back and the “wish list” of “if I’d know that …”
I wish I’d known how the true differences between a Man and Woman.
There is so much more information available today for young Men, as I was growing up, the biggest advice I got was “don’t get a girl pregnant” or “be yourself”. Neither of which is truly helpful. It would have been better to understand how evolution has created us, and how to leverage those embedded “filters”. I would have been more helpful to understand why a woman is attracted to certain types of men, and what in general makes a man attractive. After my divorce a few back, I decided to understand it better.
Advice: Be a student of Men/Women dynamics. Read, Learn, then Test to see what works. No one do it for you.
I wish I’d known that in general, one thing doesn’t mean very much, but pile a bunch of little things together, and it can mean everything
When you’re young, you believe that ONE thing is going to either propel you “stardom” or “completely destroy you” — and really, that one thing is so much less important than a 100 things put together.
One compliment or one rude remark can make or break your day when you’re young — and yea, it’s great to get the good stuff and it hurts to get the bad stuff, but one of those either way, doesn’t matter.
Doing simple things, all the time, has a huge impact. But since we live in a hurry up world, we forget about that. We want it now, in fact, we question why we didn’t have it yesterday. And once we start down that path, our worlds can seem so much worse than they are.
It’s the difference between judging music based upon a single note versus the whole piece or a book based upon one word versus the full story.
Advice: We are hand-made, one-off tapestry, embrace the beauty of the whole, versus the little inconsistencies within it.
I wish I’d know that nothing last forever
When you’re young, you believe everything is the biggest deal. I really wish I would have understood that nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, lasts forever.
The biggest thing, and I’ve always known it from a logical standpoint, is we will die. I knew it, but didn’t really understand what that meant. Even today, as I’m one step closer to my death, it’s a foreign concept. I know Men that have died, left their families wondering what they’ll do, and the heartache that produces. But still, when you’re alive, it’s hard to conceptualize death.
But you don’t have to do that, all you have to do is look at your life to understand nothing lasts — everything passes, good times, bad times, money in your pocket, friendships, lovers, wives, girlfriends, businesses, jobs, meetings, business partnerships, ideas, technology, what you learned yesterday or 10 years ago, getting a degree, learning a new skill, your car, your house, that phone you loved when you bought it. Nothing lasts.
Advice: Embrace the impermanence of life. There is nothing you can do about it, so use it to your advantage.
I wish I’d known that I’m stronger, smarter, better looking, or whatever to the world, than I think about myself
This one may be the biggest one. I wish someone would have pounded into my head, that I’m “better” than what I believe I am. We limit ourselves in so many way, and that limitation keep us from really moving forward. We focus on what we believe are weaknesses, instead of focusing on our strengths.
Truly, I have no idea what could have happened throughout my life if I would have had the self awareness of some of those strengths — that I’m really good at hearing an idea and helping someone “talk it out”; that I’m better looking than I think I am; that I’m really fun to be around; that the value I bring is beyond what someone would “pay” me, and that’s OK.
Literally, there are hundreds of “things” we beat ourselves up about, that have so little bearing on our lives, and we believe them to be such negatives we focus on them, wanting nothing more than to eliminate them from our lives. When in reality, some of those things are what makes you unique, fun and the real reason people want to be around you.
Yes, I can be annoying. Yes, I have a few extra pounds around my waist. Yes, I don’t know everything. No, you’re not an expert in everything. So what, everyone else in the world has something that is negative. If we spend our whole lives attempting to beat the negatives out of it, we would still have a few on the list that are still there.
I say, instead of ridding yourself of all those negatives, embrace the your strengths and positives. Believe it when people tell you something (either good or bad) and allow it be a statement — rather than a rule or guideline. We are the ultimate builders of our lives. And as such, we will make mistakes, hammer a few nails in the wrong place, whack the crap out of thumbs, not know exactly where to put that window, how to landscape, where to store stuff, etc.
I’ll leave you with this last bit of advice …
Embrace who you are, fully and completely. Be aware, recognize opportunities and never be afraid to take action. Because frankly, nothing lasts forever.
Cheers All! and let me know if there is anything I can do to help, as I’ve told many people over the years, if I can (and have want to), I will. And you can always ask, just as long as you’re willing to hear no.
I’m available via my website amckinnis.com or through amckinnis@gmail.com — drop me a line and let’s chat. BTW, I help tech companies solve PRODUCT marketing problems.
