How the People Around You Affect Personal Success
The fastest way to be successful (wealth, health and happiness) is to pick your friends wisely. There is a saying that goes: “Your net worth is correlated to your network”
Let me explain to you what I mean.
- Do you think you are in control of your choices?
- Do you think you’re a unique individual?
- Do you think ever ask yourself, why do “rich” people hang around together, but not with you?
…The answer to your questions is called mirror neurons.
Mirror neurons are neurons (i.e., pieces of the brain) that fire both when a person acts and when a person observes the same action performed by another. In other words, parts of our brain respond exactly the same when we do something or when we watch someone else do that same exact thing.
To put it simply, we often get the same feeling from watching someone else do something that we would get from doing things ourselves.
It’s because of mirror neurons that “you can adopt another person’s point of view,”according toDr. V.S. Ramachandran of the University of California at San Diego. He notes that humans are intensely social. We invent dances, games, groups… we eat together, we work together, and we talk. Language and culture come from imitation. He even suggests that it was a sudden advance in mirror neurons that spurred a jump in evolution to make us human.
This takes me back to your friends. See, if your friends have a bad mindset, well… guess what? You will have a bad mindset as well. If your friends don’t like to work out, well… guess what? You won’t be working out! In fact, research from Harvard Medical School has found that a person’s chance of becoming obese increases 57% if a friend becomes obese, and 37% if a spouse becomes obese. Interesting, huh?
If your friends always complain about money… you guessed it! Money will become a problem for you. Because you are the product of your environment. The company you keep does in fact control your destiny!
This relates to the law of averages, which is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes.
So, what are you suppose to do?
Drawing upon Aristotle, suggest that the traditional idea of friendship has three components:
“Friends must enjoy each other’s company, they must be useful to one another, and they must share a common commitment to the good.”
#1 Friends: The Good, the Bad the Ugly
Sean Stephenson actually nails it down the best. He categorizes your friends into three distinct groups. A players, B players and C Players. Thank you Sean you truly are amazing human being!
Show Me Your Friends and I will Show You Your Future
A Player Friends
- A players = Friends/Awesome people that:
- Push you
- Support you
- Make you grow
A very important trait that A friends have is that they tell you “how it is”. Your flaws and how you can improve are obvious to them, and they share. Brené Brown, an expert on vulnerability, says that while “we may impress people with our strengths, we connect with people through our weaknesses.”
Being open means being brave enough to take off the mask and ask for help when you need it most. “I am what I am because of who we all are.” ~ Definition of Ubuntu, a Bantu concept popularized by Nelson Mandela.
Think of A player friends as your mastermind circle. They are the ones you want to spend the majority of the time with. They are the ones you have dinner with, share secrets with, and ask for help.
Usually your friends will share the same ambitions and goals as you. Something really awesome that I found with all of my A friends is we all read the same books.
Some more that come to mind:
You should be spending at least 60% of your time with you’re A player friends.
“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” ~ Epictetus
B Player Friends
Your B player friends are ones who are almost at A but not yet there. Still may have some more evolving to do (working oneself before they can become A)
You should be spending about 30% of your time with them. If you spend any longer they might start draining your energy and your spirit.This might sound cruel to you, but your energy and mindset is the most important thing in the world.
You might be now asking: “How does my B friend become an A friend?” I will get to that in a second.
“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want”Albert Einstein
C Player Friends
The vampire friends. These might be long-time friends, or family… They are the ones stuck in the vicious cycle of self-sabotage. If you don’t have them, you must be in pure heaven. I call them vampires, because if you spend enough time with them, they literally sucks the life force out of you.
And, yes, you know exactly what I am talking about.
These are people that you should stay away from. Now, I would like to bring your attention to the fact that I am not saying “tell them to go to hell”. No, please don’t do that. They’re still “friends” after all.
However, make sure you only spend 10% of your time with them. Sample relationships:
- Coffee
- Phone call
- Quick Hello
Here is a quick test to see of any of your friends are “c” friends
- Still complaining about the same problems year after year
- Always blaming other and not taking ownership for oneself
- Thinks the world is out to get them
If you know anyone like this.. RUN!
I know you want to help them. But you can’t help anyone until they are willing to help themselves.
This is why I stated only 10%; keep an eye out for them and if you see them slowly changing (command for oneself), help them out a bit.
“We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.” Whoopi Goldberg.
The Audit
By now you are surely wondering, “How do I know where my friends fit in?”
Well each of you will have a different idea on this. What I like to do is every year is review my circles. And see who is adding value in my life and who is not.
The closest circle to you is the A and the farthest is the C. The in betweens (B) can change either way. Sometimes a B becomes an A and vice versa. B can become a C as well.
Psychologists actually have a name for this type of graphing — they call it the “social atom” — and claim it can help us determine our social health. Once I finished my social atom, I asked myself some tough questions:
- Do they match who you want to become in the future?
- How many of these relationships can I realistically maintain?
- Which relationships are good for me, and which aren’t?
- Which relationships do I need to pursue for my own health and happiness?
“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” — Jim Rohn
Life is too short to waste your time with people who don’t care about you. My A friends are there for a reason. We are kindred my nature. And I would do anything for them. Anything, even give my life to save my fellow brethren. Now could you say the same for you C friends?
My success, “Health, wealth and happiness” has all come from having amazing A friends.This is what Robert Kiyosaki experienced as well, which he shared in Rich Dad, Poor Dad. He had two dads, his real dad, stuck in the middle-class with limiting viewpoints on money, and his rich dad, one of the wealthiest man in Hawaii, and smart about getting money to work for him. By consciously choosing to interface with his rich dad to learn from him, he acquired many thinkings and mindsets of how to become rich, which eventually led him to become successful in life.
“If you hang out with a group of successful, positive-minded individuals who believe in taking responsibility for their lives, you will move to become a proactive individual who shapes his/her future. If you hang out with a bunch of pessimists who believe the world is out to get them and there is nothing worthwhile, you will start descending into the negative whirlpool at some point, even if you are initially a positive individual”
I am not religious person. But this bible quote sums it up the best:
In Proverbs 13:20, Solomon, the wise-guy king, wrote:
“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”
