15 weeks ago I had a baby. Olivia Mae. She has these magnificent ocean blue eyes and pure snow white skin. I could stare at her all day. Some days, I could swear that’s all I accomplished — staring at my beautiful sleeping baby. Next week, I will return to work after spending a few months with my new baby. I keep coaching myself to approach this as a change of routine. That’s all this is, right?

On one hand, I didn’t have nearly enough time (or maybe the time just went by fast) with Olivia. She is still so little. I need her as much as she needs me right now. It’s crazy to me that in the United States, most parents only get 12 weeks of unpaid leave. I am fortunate that my company offers paid leave and I feel even more committed in my position. The financial worry wasn’t “a thing” the past few weeks. What an amazing benefit so new parents can focus on caring for their little one. That said, it’s definitely difficult to return to work after just a few months. Olivia nurses every few hours, and her demands on my body and time make me tired. Coupling her needs with the demands of going to work already feel exhausting!

On the other hand, I’m looking forward to getting back into the grind at work: building HR products, collaborating with my colleagues, and contributing to the company. I really love what I do. It’s the time of the year when I’m the busiest and it will be a good distraction for me to focus on the work to keep my mind for wandering toward baby business. I’m challenging myself to focus on “what’s possible?” while working and a new baby at home. I have have a feeling the transition will be easier than I’m anticipating.

“This isn’t new,” I keep telling myself. This is the third time I’ve experienced the transition from maternity leave to returning to work. I’m keeping my expectations low and attempting to give myself space to do what makes sense for me in as small of increments as I need. I don’t want to disappoint myself the my first few weeks (or months?) upon returning to work. I’m not one to go for the perfect working mom status. I just think of it as I’m a mom and I work. Big deal, right?

It is a big deal. Throughout my career I’ve implemented parental leave programs, designed fertility and adoption programs, and coached employees and their managers about family-related transitions. Having children deeply impacts people on how they think about balancing home and work.

For me, I’m going to challenge myself to explore what balance looks like with one more little person at home . I had my routine figured out 15 weeks ago. I’m entering uncharted territory. Here we go!

Amélie la Reconteuse

Written by

I live a French life and I write stories in English.

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