Day 5:

I sleep with no tears today,

For the pain,

Is slowly,

Dissolving,

I thought of you

I wanted to share with you

My day

My struggles

What I had for breakfast

The pleasant run I had

The interrupted sleep

I wanted to share with you

My first

Week

I wanted to share

With

You

And

You

Alone

My life

My life

My love

I wanted to share with you

My hips

I wanted to share with you

My life

My day

My love,

I sleep with no tears today,

But I think

Think of you

And think of

How much you choose to miss out on

For I can not sustain this fantasy

I thought of you

I wanted to call

And tell you about

This guy

I wanted to tell you

All about this guy

Who stood there

Wordless motionless

Frozen

Encapsulated by his comfort,

I wanted to tell you about him

I saw him

Five days ago

I spoke to him about the future

I spoke to him about my future

I told him I wanted answers

I told him I wanted to share my life with him

I told him I needed confirmation,

He stood there

Motionless

Doubting me

Doubting my presence in his life

I thought of you today,

I wanted to call and tell you about this guy

This guy,

who

Stood motionless,

As if he was waiting on me to supply an answer,

Give me a 1,2,3 step plan I demanded

Tell me you can’t imagine life without me,

Say you want me to be the mother of your children,

Protect me,

Instead this guy

This guy

Said : “your doing better than I am”

I’ve heard this statement before

Also from another guy

Better as in

Pity me

Better as in

I have no answer for you,

Better as in I will linger till you give up on finding an answer,

This guy

This guy he just simply didn’t get it,

I wanted to call you today to tell you about him,

I wanted to mock him with you on the line,

I wanted you to laugh at his stupidity when he said “I can’t say whether this’ll work or not”,

I wanted to hear your disappointment in him,

I wanted to see you shake your head at the thought of him thinking about finding a connection like this.

I thought of you today,

Thought you’d mock this man with me

You’d poke at his aloofness,

His immaturity,

His lack of honesty,

His ill intent,

His stupidity

His stupidity

His stupidity,

I thought you’d help me,

Feel better,

This guy I tell you,

He woulda deserved your middle finger right to his face.

This guy I tell you,

A swift slap on the face, with the beads on your wrist,

I wish you were there to shake your head at him,

To show him what disappointment looks like

I wish you were there,

To hear my body language

I wish you were present to hear what I wanted from this guy

I wish that if only for a minute you felt what I felt

Day 5, and I haven’t cried.

That guy

That guy

Deserves a slap across the face from you, a shaking of the head from you, a thorough look of disappointment from you, an eye roll from you, a deep gaze into the mirror and you will see this guy this guy,

Is

You.

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