How to Break Up

Amanda Fierro
Jul 24, 2017 · 1 min read
  1. Ask the person in question if s/he has ever thought of breaking up with you. There is always the chance that the response will be “Oh yes! I was hoping you would ask. I just wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.”
  2. This is desirable because at least it removes the decision from the equation, thus allowing you only to focus your energies on the move forward.
  3. Skip this step if you are free of crippling self-doubt.
  4. Begin leaving copies of The Awakening around your apartment.
  5. If you go to a poetry reading and there happens to be a poem about Mitch Hedberg, certainly do not type the poem into an email and send it to her/im.
  6. Create a list titled “Reasons I Ended It.” Add to it when you are feeling sentimental and erroneous.
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