Organic Love

Visitor
Visitor
Aug 8, 2017 · 2 min read

What does organic mean? It means forming without a leader, without the intent and will of one person or thing.

Is love that way?

Over the past couple of years, my view of love has been, if only I meet the right object of love, love will follow. With my attempt, of course love is within reach. The success (measured by relationships longer than two months) ratio has been 1:6. And even that one relationship I managed to ruin.

This year, I had the privilege to remain friends with someone special. She allowed me to spend time with her, getting to know each other again, as friends. In the first encounters, my feelings of guilt drove the interactions. She reminded me of the scar I left. We wouldn’t meet so often, maybe once every 2 weeks or once a month. We’d chat through text intermittently. This went on for about 3 months. A couple of meetings ago, I knew something was transformed. I no longer felt the guilt, and just enjoyed talking to her. Then I looked forward to seeing her. The day she had to leave the country, a sadness overcame me. Now that she’s gone, I feel her absence.

Before we dated, I don’t think I had allowed enough time to form this bond, this physical and emotional bond. I had an intellectual bond with her, and rushed to follow steps which I thought was natural in a relationship. Had I listened to myself, I could have stopped the inevitable hurt to come.

I’m grateful that she allowed me back in her life, despite all that I had done. Yet again, she teaches me, about patience, about respect, about growth. If we ever cross paths again years from now, I hope I can be better for her. I will have the awareness to acknowledge the bond that formed organically, and then have the courage, confidence and maturity to choose to ‘stand’ in love.

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