Highway to the discomfort zone

Are you ready for that transformation?

By the book Agile versus by the client Agile

I was in a review the other day when someone came over to me and started asking questions. He said, “If the teams aren’t meeting the objectives, why aren’t we talking about it?”

He had a point. For the most part, teams were being praised for their good work, which can be good from a human perspective (praise in public, criticize in private). However, they weren’t being challenged about why the work was not done. I responded, “You know the book. I know the book. And there is a difference between the book…”

“And what’s practical,” he interrupted, disappointment heavy in his voice. There are a lot of variations of this line and they all tend to carry the same baggage with them despite their nuance.

I said, “Nah, the book, books really, are practical, the question is whether or not your client is ready. Are they emotionally and psychologically prepared to absorb that change? and is that the most valuable change for them at this time?”

Another question he asked was, “How do you get it to happen faster?”

“What happens if you try and physically force a rose bud to bloom? Usually doesn’t end well for the rose. It’s also like evolution in biological systsems. You can manipulate the environment in which the rose bud resides to coax it to bloom earlier than it would have on its own…and that’s kinda what we do as coaches. Avoiding as much destruction as we can. That’s what I think we mean when we say things like, ‘Meet your client where they are not where you want them to be’. I would add that we then facilitate their journey to where they want to be. Beyond that, you can change people or reduce the number of people.

“If you are tired of waiting for people to change, get different people who have already changed in the ways you want. If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.” Writing this reminds me of one of my favorite refrains I use for folks in management when they treat me like the Bobs from Officespace and ask if I think they should get rid of someone. My response is always:

Are they trainable? Are they coachable? Do you have the time and energy to accomplish both?

If you answer no to all three, then the path is pretty clear. Any other combination has nuance that you should figure out. (And frankly, I don’t have to carry the weight of making that decision.)

I’ve seen the following concept in some different variations; so, I’m mainly playing with language.

• Comfort zone: I’m good here. I know what I’m doing. I know how to do it. Doesn’t require a lot of cognitive load or caloric burn.
• Discomfort zone: I’ve talked about this elsewhere. Here I feel safe overall but I’m not comfortable. I’m not as sure of myself. I don’t know if I can navigate this space. I don’t know if I’m doing this “right” or in a non-damaging way.
• Pain and panic zone: I do not feel safe to the point of debilitation. If you’re afraid of roller coasters, chances of you getting on one alone is virtually nil.

Speaking of roller coasters, there’s a good story about what we’re talking about regarding transformation and how it happens.

The year is roughly 1998. Four friends go to an amusement park. Three male, one female. The males range in height from 5'9" to 6' and hover around 220lbs each with broad frames. The female is 4'11" and weighed in at 100lbs with a very petite build. We arrived after I got pulled over for speeding; 93 in a 65 (I was slowing down when clocked apparently). The plan was to get there right when the park opened, we failed. During the trip Lisa had regaled us with stories of her fear of “the big roller coasters” but how this year she wanted to ride one. We walked through the gates and headed for The Twister; consisting of at least one loop and two corkscrews.

The line was already long but even with a good hour to wait Lisa was already shaking. The guys, on the other hand, were calm, cool, and collected; panic tends to breed panic and it would not have helped the situation if we were shaking too.

When we reached the five flights of stairs you had to climb before getting loaded in Lisa said, “All right, no turning back now.”

We said, “Nah, they have an exit up there too. If you aren’t strapped in and moving, you can change your mind.”

“Oh, okay,” she seemed to calm down a bit.

As we ascended we just kept playing tennis between reassuring her that she could change her mind and we wouldn’t be disappointed to supporting her when she would say, “No. I can do this.”

Lisa did almost bail at the top of the stairs but she made it. I think I was sitting next to her. I kept checking in with her throughout the 30 seconds or less ride. We descended. Lisa silent and contemplative. The guys displaying the stoic resolve that comes from years of practice and teenage angst. From an outsider’s perspective you wouldn’t have been able to tell if anyone of us had a good time riding The Twister.

When we got to the bottom Lisa ran up to the three of us with excitement and glee writ large all over her body, “We have to ride that again before we leave!”

This broke through all the Stoic demeanors, facade or honest. Lisa proceeded to lead the way and we rode each of the roller coasters in the park at least twice and a couple three times. Now, I don’t like roller coasters. Not out of fear or panic though, it’s just not how I get my dopamine and adrenaline; they do nothing for me.

My rushes come from watching others get them (and having good conversations that help me grow or help someone else grow). I rode the roller coasters that day to hear Lisa laugh. To watch her excitement as we discovered one she didn’t know existed. To mirror her excited bounces as we would get in line for another after running the last few feet to get in line.

Lisa stretched herself that day and we helped create a safe zone in which she felt comfortable to explore without going into full panic and pain. Which brings us back to language. I’ve seen that middle zone called “stretch” before, which is accurate to a point. And I considered having stretch and discomfort; just really wanted to keep it to three zones. I also think one stretches into their discomfort zone; stretch itself is an action not a destination.

Consider yoga (or just touching your toes, which is a yoga pose). You stand, feet together. You bend at the hips and stretch to touch your toes. If you aren’t feeling anything, you are well within your comfort zone. Usually, the idea is to stretch a bit farther to the point that you can feel something; however, it’s possible to go farther than your body is ready to handle at the moment — strain or sprain. (With practice what was once uncomfortable can become comfortable.)

When you’re alone, it’s generally advisable to not go too far outside of your comfort zone; no backup. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s watched at least one video of someone lifting weights at home who decided to basically do their one rep max alone…ill advised…go to a gym, with people; or, possibly better, bring a friend so they are close by. The group or team is there to help reassure, support, and make you feel safe to stretch farther.

So, think of the next transformation you would like to make (or that someone has recommended you make). Look around your environment. Is it safe to make that transformation? If yes, just do it. If not, scale back the transformation a bit (this becomes the next transformation), repeat.