Bitches, Brews, and Bikes

I started riding a road bike last year. At first, I was intimidated by the idea of something so fast that I tried keeping up with my roady-bike friends on my beloved mountain bike. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was working twice as hard and still couldn’t keep up.

So I bit the bullet and found a road bike. I was really lucky and got out of there below $2k with a carbon beauty, new shoes and pedals, and a unitard. Ok, it’s not a unitard, but it feels like one and it makes it really hard to go to the bathroom on a ride.

Off we went discovering the paved multi-use trails of Portland, OR and learning the etiquette of riding with others. I had never had to point out gravel or potholes to fellow mountain bikers before, so this was new. We rode 15 miles, then 20.

The Secret to Riding Far on a Bike


As each ride became longer, we became hungry for real food, not the gels and electrolyte drinks stashed in our little back pockets. It’s then that we discovered what makes for a GREAT bike ride. We stumbled upon a fantastic sandwich place and I ordered the biggest, messiest sandwich of my life. And a beer.

That’s how it started, and now every ride must entail working my ass off, consuming good food and a beer about halfway in, and then working my ass off some more to get home. My body needs the carbs and beer is a carb, right? Otherwise this happens.

In the short year I have been riding a road bike, I have seen some amazing sights. Not “amazing” in the sense that we have explored the wine regions of France or anything (although that would be amazing) but amazing in a holy-crap-I-can’t-believe-that-just-happened kind of way. Here is a short list of the amazing things:

  1. A cop car- not so amazing on it’s own, but when you almost collide head on with one around a downhill blind corner on a BIKE PATH, it’s pretty special.
  2. A man pooping…standing up. Yup, on the side of the trail. With lots of other people around. I didn’t see a shovel either.
  3. Dick-head moves by people in cars. I drive a car, a lot, so I’m not an anti-vehicle kind of person. However, I’m still shocked at the blatant disregard that some, no, many people have for cyclists.
  4. Poop- Different than amazing thing #2- actual human poop randomly on the trail that is surrounded by bushes and trees on both sides.
  5. Other human gross-ness. No one prepared me for all the icky things I would see when I attempted my first century. I had no idea about the clearing of the noses and the spitting of the lugies. Hurl!

I've covered the Bikes and the Beers part of my story. As for the Bitches, I hang with the best. I prefer to ride with others, not alone. If I was riding alone, I would make sure I had something like this with me in case I needed help, but the bitches are much more fun.