Table for 1, please.
You notice your neighboring table spend more time on food filters than conversation. You realize that you can actually try ten different flavors at Baskin Robbins and still not buy anything after. You notice your phone dependency when you can’t sit still for two minutes. You realize it’s way too cold to be wearing shorts and a tank top. You hear three high-pitched bells chiming one after the other in absolute harmony. You notice motorcyclists speeding away on pavements when they’re in the midst of Bangalore’s infamous traffic.
With our amazing cell phones and hundreds of apps cluttered on that teeny little 6-inch screen, these tiny observations are impossible and often deemed “unnecessary”. Every second that we’re alone or we’re on that boring 20 min metro, or there simply isn’t a riveting conversation at dinner, the hand goes into the pocket and the next hour is gone before you know it.
Now, I want this article to be short and sweet so I shall cut straight to the chase before I let the million thoughts in my head let me off on a tangent. How often do you find yourself doing something on your own? I’m not talking about going to the gym, doing laundry, or binging Netflix. I’m talking more along the lines of renting a bicycle and sightseeing the city you grew up in, or going to the cinemas alone, or going on a solo bar crawl if you’re feeling ambitious. Or maybe just go to a fancy restaurant or the nearby food truck. Or maybe a nice, long hike.
When I first started doing this a couple of years ago, it was pretty easy to notice people looking at you and before you know it, you assume they’re judging you for being alone and your whole mood has taken a toss. I feel like a lot of this has to do with our conditioning throughout our schooling and of course, our favorite TV series and movies. For me, the 5-minute walk from class to the bus had to have company. For me, sitting alone in the dining table even for a couple of minutes while waiting for friends was social suicide. For me, my Instagram had to have pictures with friends or my followers would assume I only hung out with my parents. I got really into these solo day-outs after one of my college friends told me about how he used to go on 6–8 hour hikes alone over summer. At the start, I used to call him a loner because I assumed he couldn’t find anyone to go with him. With the passage of time and of course, finding more quirks to his personality, I started to embrace it.
Today was my fourth solo day-out for the summer. Woke up at 6 am. Went for a run around a beautiful lake next to my apartment. Made some eggs and acted like I didn’t completely overdo the salt. Rented an electric scooter(if you’re in Bangalore, definitely take a Yulu on the weekend), put on my best sunglasses and vroomed away. For five seconds. Then reality hit and I was stuck at a signal with a hundred cars and smoke blew right into my face. A couple minutes in, I was so engrossed in my George Ezra playlist that I almost dashed into the car ahead. And of course, the driver had to be none other than the co-founder of my summer internship. We just stood there and laughed for five minutes straight and continued on our paths. Good start to the day. The objective of the day was to simply go mall hopping. After the fourth mall, five meals and being drenched head to toe thanks to the unpredictable monsoons in the beautiful city of Bangalore, I took a break and just sat on my Yulu scooter for five minutes while grabbing some street side Pani Puri(psa this isn’t exactly the most sanitary option to source Pani Puri). Two government-school kids came up to me and asked if they could ride my scooter around. Unable to open my mouth with the countless Pani Puri’s I stuffed in, I gave them a thumbs up and gesticulated that they should get it back in 5 minutes. Upon returning, one of the kids called Shuheb asked if he could take it around and show it to his sister because hey, electric scooters are cool and traffic rules thankfully don’t apply to these beauts. I happily agreed to it as my eyes turned to the fancy supermarket I saw nearby. While I was staring at one liter of orange juice being priced at 1000 rupees(equivalent to $14), I saw the kid and his sister come back with big beaming smiles. Small acts of kindness are great, aren’t they? I walked them back to their house, met their parents and was invited into their home. It was a small house housing six people. Their house was the size of the living room of the apartment I was given for the summer. I stayed there for an hour, talked to the family about everything from kabaddi over cricket to the growing trash in their nearby lake and of course, the pleasant smell that accompanies it.
Now, what’s the moral of the story? A lot of us have been conditioned from an early age to accept doing solo trips with the associated stigma of being seen as a “friendless loser”. However, disconnection is super super super important. Especially in this 21st-century hyper-connected society we live in. Disconnection for a couple of minutes or a couple of days gives us an opportunity to reset and reflect. It lets you take a big breath of relief. It allows you to jump completely outside your comfort zone. It lets you meet completely new people. And most importantly, it allows you to let those creative juices loose.
Try it out. Just once. Take one day off. No commitments to anyone or anything. Allow your brain to imagine all the people judging you and opinions being framed. Allow yourself to push those thoughts away. Allow yourself to focus on doing something that makes you happy without a friend, without a phone, and without a credit card.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the most social person in the world, or have just one friend, or none. It doesn’t matter if you’re taken, been married for thirty years, asexual, or have been on multiple Tinder dates in a night. Maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn’t. But then again, if you can even consider going on a keto diet, or a juice “cleanse”, trying this out will be a cakewalk.
All my love,
Amita ❤
