There is no “problem” other than the fact that we as a society are structurally dishonest, leading…
AJ Butler
1

I certainly have no blue print on how to please women. To even suggest that such a thing could be, is ridiculous! John Hopkins, do you think those pop psychology books are worth a damn? You know, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Why Men Like Bitches, (which I actually did find to be a little true) Stupid Things Men Do. (Which is really all about bashing women- check that one out, you might like that one.) John is a shrinky type, so he’d be a better judge than me on whether that sort of stuff provides any lasting benefit on any real understanding of the conflicts that occur between men and women. Plus he’s a man, so you’ll not quarrel with him, I guessing.

What I see, from your posts, is that you are angry and hurt about, things that are very important to you, your children…and I have had many conversations with men in your shoes, because I have taught a lot of vets. They come back from half way around the world, all shook up, can’t return to their families, they lose everything, even the right to see their kids. Well…being angry and hurt is just no state of mind to get your kids back…I have told my vets so. And even though I have never been to war overseas, I have been to war in my own home. So I too have been so angry and hurt, to the point that it affected my kids- and that’s never cool. You must try and find a way out of that anger, to more productive emotions, for your self and your kids. Reading a story about someone who did, might help. Because it shows you it can be done.

And that’s what I think I have written, in my memoir, The Way Through Lessons Learned on Life, Love and the Journey a blue print for breaking out of cyclical self-destructive anger, that probably stems from a relationship with one or both parents (in my case my father.) I was f*cking furious with my father, for years. Believe it or not, this had negative implications on the relationship that I had with any man, for years. I had to find my way out of that anger and it wasn’t easy but I did it. My life improved drastically, as a result. My relationship with male people, especially my three sons and husband, improved drastically, because I did the work.

We often don’t see this but our relationships are heavily influenced by our relationships with our parents. We take their dysfunctions, spin our own dysfunctions based on those, and we’re off to the races! (intimate relationships.) My parents had an extremely toxic relationship with one another, this destroyed me and my siblings chances of having normal healthy relationships with others. (I have a sister and four brothers- two are halfsies though, so they have different issues, but issues nonetheless.) When men say, “I can’t see my kids” I genuinely want to help, because I know how devastating that sort of thing is for the kid. My mother tried to prevent me from having a functional relationship with my father, for a long time it worked. But, I can’t blame her entirely…and I have to give my father credit because, he never gave up on trying to have a functional relationship with me.

If you want to leave your dysfunctional cycles behind, and have functional relationships with your children, you will have to do some work- and it’s not easy work. But you will have to figure out what your buttons are, and figure out how to not allow them to be pushed. You will have to stop thinking in extraordinarily negative terms, lashing out at random women, on social media. That’s not going to help you! Anger and frustration are like quicksand, they can consume you. At the end of they day the one who suffers is you, and mainly you. You’re probably ready to hear none of this right now, but someone has to plant that seed in your mind. It might as well be me.

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