Let’s break this misconception: You’re NOT the average of the five people

Ammar Sheikh
4 min readAug 16, 2023

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What happens if you don’t have many friends in your circle? What happens if you only hang out with one friend who is from your childhood? You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” is a popular saying that has been circulating for years. The idea behind this statement is that the people you surround yourself with have a significant impact on your life and ultimately shape who you are. However, this popular saying is not entirely accurate, and there are several reasons why.

The Limitations of the Statement

While it is true that the people you surround yourself with can have an impact on your life, it is not accurate to say that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This is because people are more complex than the sum of their friends. Everyone has unique experiences, beliefs, and goals that shape their identity. Therefore, it is impossible to reduce a person’s entire being to the people they surround themselves with.

Secondly, the statement assumes that all five people have the same level of influence on an individual. However, this is not always the case. Some people may have a more significant impact on a person’s life than others. It is also possible that a person’s closest friends do not have a positive influence on them and may even hinder their growth.

Real-Life Examples

Let’s take the example of successful entrepreneurs. Many successful entrepreneurs do not have a group of five friends who are also entrepreneurs. Instead, they surround themselves with people from different backgrounds and industries who challenge their thinking and bring new perspectives to the table. For instance, Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, was known for his diverse group of friends, including musicians, artists, and designers.

Another example is that of athletes. Professional athletes often have coaches, trainers, and teammates who influence their success. However, they do not become the average of these five people. They have their unique skills, talent, and work ethic that contribute to their success.

Case Studies

A study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania found that social influence is not as straightforward as the popular saying suggests. The study found that people who were overweight were more likely to lose weight if they had friends who were also overweight. However, people who were already at a healthy weight were more likely to gain weight if their friends were overweight. This study shows that the influence of friends is not always positive and varies depending on the individual’s situation.

Another case study is that of the famous psychologist, Abraham Maslow. Maslow was known for his groundbreaking work on human motivation and self-actualization. He surrounded himself with a diverse group of people, including artists, philosophers, and writers, who inspired and challenged his thinking.

Moreover, it has been observed that people who belong to different cultures and regions tend to have better and wider perspectives than those who belong to the same culture. It is because they have a diverse set of experiences and can bring unique ideas and solutions to the table. Therefore, surrounding yourself with people from different cultures can be incredibly beneficial for personal growth and development.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the popular saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” is not entirely accurate. People are more complex than the sum of their friends, and the influence of friends varies depending on the individual’s situation. It is essential to surround oneself with people who inspire and challenge one’s thinking, regardless of their background or industry. Ultimately, each person is responsible for their growth and success, and it is up to them to choose the right people to surround themselves with.

When it comes to personal growth and success, surrounding ourselves with the right people can be incredibly beneficial. However, it’s important to keep in mind that the people we choose to spend time with do not define who we are or determine our future success. Instead, it’s up to us to take responsibility for our own growth and seek out relationships with people who inspire and challenge us.

In today’s world, we have access to a wide range of people and resources that can help us reach our goals. We can connect with like-minded individuals through social media and online communities, attend conferences and events to network and learn from experts in our field, and seek out mentors and coaches who can provide guidance and support.

Ultimately, the key to success is not about surrounding ourselves with a specific number of people or trying to fit into a particular group. Instead, it’s about finding our own unique path and seeking out the people and resources that will help us achieve our goals. By taking ownership of our own growth and surrounding ourselves with positive influences, we can create a life that is fulfilling and successful on our own terms.

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Ammar Sheikh

I am passionate about self improvement, and through writing, I speak to my younger self. I have a passion for books and learning new things.