Free Falling

Today I quit my job, and I feel like I just jumped off a cliff. In the words of Tom Petty, “Now I’m free — free fallin’”.

Like many of the young techies in the San Francisco Bay Area, I migrated here about a year ago to start my first job. I was ready to live and learn and love in a part of the United States that I still consider to be paradise. But being an adult is hard, and I was not ready.

I was hit by homesickness so debilitating that I became depressed. The concept of eternity crushed me and made me more depressed. I was going through an existential crisis. What was I doing? What was the point? Outside the structure of school and semesters and grades, I floundered. I still went to work, but I cried in the bathroom nearly every day. My performance suffered. I took too many sick days. I was failing.

My mom flew across the country to take care of me. I got a pet. Things started getting better. Time really does heal most wounds. By the third month of my job, I was back on my feet. I made friends in my new home. I stopped thinking about eternity and learned to focus on my present. I started doing well. My family stopped worrying.

Today I quit my job, and I have never felt stronger. I don’t have a new job lined up, but I know exactly what career change I want to make. I am learning that deviating from the conventional path is sometimes the quickest way to happiness. I am learning that my eternity is not so long that I should stay in a job that I don’t love. I am on the cusp of a fresh start, and that falling, uncertain feeling in my chest also feels a lot like hope.

I wrote this narrative in honor of Mental Health Month. I believe that sharing our struggles with mental health is a huge step towards eliminating the stigma that surrounds it.