Why Reincarnation Might Suck For Us

What if stress was a meter?

What if, as an animal, the more stress you accrued throughout your life meant that you were less likely to, if possible, reincarnate? What if there was a tier system?

I’m no spiritualist, and I’m definitely no scientist, but here’s my take.

As multi-cellular entities in this scenario, we probably all started out as flies, the least stressed possible living being with the shortest lifespan. Anything that a fly could be stressed out about- if it held any sort of capacity for stress, that is- would be minuscule compared to the billions of other lifeforms populating this universe. So a fly buzzes around for a few weeks, either gets swatted or falls over dead, boom. Done. Reincarnated.

Just chillin’.

There’s probably a few more bugs that fall under the first tier, but then you’re onto the next tier, which probably includes cats. Cats are the least stressed mammals, because anything they get stressed out about can either be hissed at until it leaves, or they can maul it to death (depending on the size of cat, obviously.)

Depending on whatever type of cat you are, you either go peacefully in a Victorian mansion, surrounded by gold-plated kitty toys, or you’ve decided that it is a fantastic idea to go toe-to-toe with a full-grown bull elephant. Maybe both. Whatever! Welcome to tier three.

Tier three is where it gets tough. Maybe it’s the natural course of things, but the higher up you go in the tiers, the more stress you naturally have to deal with. Now you’re, like, a rabbit. You’re a squirrel, a mouse. You’re something that, as soon as its environment changes in even the most minor way, suffers from tachycardia of the worst possible degree. Stress is not good for you, but at this tier, with whatever animal you’ve reincarnated as, it is more often than not what keeps you alive.

One blade of grass moves the wrong way and this dude is just GONE.

Maybe most things don’t make it past tier three. Maybe there’s a lot of rabbits in whatever afterlife we’re going to be subject to at the end. But then there’s tier four.


Humans come out of the womb kicking and screaming. They’re stressed out about the light, the sounds, the colors. They grow up and get stressed about social interactions, school, work, living in general.

Humans are probably the toughest tier to overcome because all of the stress they generate in their life is caused by other humans’ impacts on the environment. There is more than likely never going to be a human with a clean slate on the ol’ Stress-O-Meter.

So we’re all on tier four, and if there is a period past our lives where we can come back and do some more stuff on this planet or another planet, we’d better do our best to just chill the heck out.

Even though, y’know… Tier five is going to be even tougher. You’re probably coming back as a wasp or something.

Wasps are jerks.

That’s the moral of this article.

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