In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month beginning today, I wanted to repost my last foster/adoptive post from last year. Since the adoption of our two foster children, our foster/adoptive story has not ended. So much has continued to happen with our Forever Family — biological families coming and going, former foster children continuing to be a huge presence in our home, teaching new potential foster parents what every step means — that I’m hoping to tell more about our journey here. What better way to start, then by showing my last post to kick it all off. This post was originally on my former blog in November 2014. You can see previous musings there if you wish!
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“We are put on earth a little space, that we may learn to bear the beams of love.” — William Blake
It took a long time for my husband and I to become parents. Then it took longer to become adoptive parents. We became parents on December 27, 2010, the day that we took a little 3 week old baby boy into our home and became his foster parents for the better part of his first year. Those close to us know how difficult and painful it was to return him to his biological family, even though reunification was always the end goal.
We were told by social workers that if we wanted to adopt a child through the foster care system, we would get our chance — someday. We were told that roughly 50% of foster children are not returned to their biological parents so another permanent plan must be worked out. As foster parents, we have been told to not expect adoption, because we really need to be supportive of the reunification process. But on that particular day a social worker looked me straight in my eyes and said, “someday, you WILL get your chance to adopt.” I still tear up when I think about that statement and how he said it because it was so strong and gave me a little hope that someday it could happen. However, when we brought two other children into our home, we were careful to always remind ourselves of what we went through with our first foster baby; heeding a warning to not fall too deep in love with these two — which was impossible because in reality, no matter the outcome, we were their parents.
This was declared and made official a few months ago when we finalized the adoptions of those two children. Our daughter came into our lives as a very spirited and loud 4 1/2 year old and our son was brought into our home as a very quiet and stoic 3 week old baby (what was it with us and 3 week old baby boys)! After 1,031 and 991 days, respectively, in foster care, we adopted each of them earlier this year.
November is National Adoption Month and as I look back at our journey I am in awe over how it went. For three years there were countless visits with social workers, lawyers, and child advocates. There were extremely draining days in court and visits with biological parents. We were in limbo not knowing how long they’d be with us, but were there every day to raise these kids as our own and show them a lot of love and (hopefully) a somewhat stable and normal day each day. I have nothing but the utmost respect and gratitude for the social workers in Santa Clara County, who helped us through every step. Without them, the long and draining days would have been confusing and more frustrating.
There were so many moments where it was crystal clear that ours was an awesome journey: when our daughter said after thinking about it for a while that since she was going to be in our family forever, she would like our last name too; or when, after almost two years, I was being called “mom” instead of Amy by both of these kids. And then there were moments that were gut wrenching like when I heard the sobs from my son’s biological mother in a courtroom after learning she wasn’t getting him back, right as my tears came realizing that this meant we were a step closer to being his parents forever. Two moms crying for different reasons over the same little boy.
I am so happy that our path brought us to where we are today: parents of two thriving and amazingly strong kids who found their way to us and loved us enough to want to be here forever. Every day I feel like the luckiest rock star in the world that I get to be their mom.
We have decided to close our foster license — for now — as we quietly (ha!) enjoy our little family unit. While we do that, we also celebrate National Adoption Month with so much gratitude and very full hearts. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of this story. Without a support system like ours, we never would have made it through. So many clothing donations, baby sitters, advice givers and friends were exactly what we needed and it truly made a difference. Being a foster parent has been the most fulfilling, overwhelming, and rewarding thing I have ever done. It has taught me not only to be a parent, but also to know the deepest love I’ve ever experienced.
“Children born to another woman call me ‘mom.’ The magnitude of that tragedy and depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” — Jody Landers
