Not fine and that’s fine
Even if we can’t change the world, we can look out for each other
Physical vs mental
Wounds need time to heal. When you have a wound, you tend to it and give it time to heal. However, wounds aren’t only physical. Problems at home, school, university, or work. Life is an endless cycle of problems and inconveniences. Everyone has duties and is stressed by them. Every day, we’re left with many invisible wounds. It’s exactly because they’re invisible that we tend to forget them, not giving them enough time to recover. Sometimes, we might even not give them any time at all. Sometimes, we even deepen them even more.
Small suppressions
Grazing a wound with your nail would obviously not hurt much. It still delays healing, though. That’s why we know better than actually doing it. Even so, we’d still readily force others to shake off any trace of negative emotions. Stop wearing a long face at work/university/school. When you’re on an outing with your friends, they naturally want to chill. They don’t want any trace of stress there.
This only leaves one option, home. Only there can you relieve stress in solitude. Just relaxing, crying, and processing these emotions properly. Ah, I’m relieved.
However, if your experience everywhere else forces you to believe that something is wrong with you, that these feelings ought to be suppressed, you’d hate yourself for feeling that way. If you’ve grown up thinking so, or if society told you so, you’d try to suppress it. Suppress it, suppress it, suppress it. It’s minor stress, after all, none but a scratch.
Fortunately, in the beginning, you still give yourself the benefit of suffering from larger wounds. You’re still affected by enormous pain. You can’t help but cry when you’re overwhelmed. So, when enough stress accumulates, you can cry just well. Stress comes out; you feel much better, like you used to. But you still hate yourself for it, so how long will this last?
Snap
This time, your stab the wound with a knife, figuring you wouldn’t feel much pain. And, sadly, you’d be right. Suppressing emotions doesn’t cause physical pain, after all. Not in the start at least. However, it would manifest in a much worse way.
Those minor frustrations were easy to suppress, weren’t they? Your brain now takes on the bigger challenge, suppressing even that unbearable pain you’ve felt before. Stress accumulates and accumulates but you still feel nothing. You still don’t cry. Something snapped. Something was twisted irreversibly.
What? it’s heavy, my body is heavy. I’m overwhelmed. What is this weight on my chest? What is this pressure on my head? What is all this stress? I need to get it out. Tears won’t come out. The brain isn’t letting them. Just shedding a few tears becomes absolutely arduous labor. A scar that can no longer heal is left on your psyche.
First step
It’s all too complicated for any simple solution. However, just like the problem started small, maybe the solution could also start small. Just start supporting others with a different attitude. Remember, even if you don’t see mental wounds, you see their effects. Ask the person if they’re okay. If it becomes clear they’re not yet ready to talk, leave them be for now. Give them the time to process their emotions without making them feel they are causing trouble.
Never let your children grow up thinking that expressing negative emotions is unnatural. Being sad is natural. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. And who knows? Maybe then, we’ll start sharing our minor stressors, and over time open up even more. Hopefully, this can be normalized at work too. I’m not saying to act rude or anything, but you shouldn’t be forced to smile when you truly can’t.
