Melania Trump Pregnant: Water to Burst with Democratic Wave

Donald Trump just announced that his wife, First Lady Melania Trump, is pregnant with their second child.

“I couldn’t be happier,” Trump said, when interviewed by Star Magazine. “Melania probably could be happier. But I don’t think about it. At least she was willing to drink those two bottles of wine a few months back.”

Trump, a noted teetotaler who brags about his abstinence from alcohol the way he always wants to brag about his abstinence from sexual abstinence, apparently conducted a counter-interview with the Star Magazine reporter during his interview. But everything Trump touches leaks like a Russian prostitute so the transcript of the counter-interview is available.

“That British royal couple,” Trump said to the reporter, annoyed about being pressed about intimacy with his wife. “What’s-His-Name and What’s-Her-Name. You know. The prince and princess from the island with the bad teeth. They just had a baby and why should they have the spotlight? I’m Donald Trump! You’re going to start talking about my baby right? It’s going to be the best baby ever! It’s going to make tea and crumpets out of the British baby. I’m so much more royal than them!

“I mean look at that guy? He doesn’t even have real hair, which I clearly do! And look at that baby. Tiny hands! Not like…