Trump Imposes Orange Tariff on Cheetos Chester Cheetah

One day in the White House, during his “executive time,” Donald Trump sat sifting through his box of old videogames, games that taught him the basics of entertaining, manufactured reality.

He sat on the floor in his bedroom. On his head, like a foil helmet, he wore his precious tighty whities. He wore those alone.

But he wasn’t alone.

On a gold-plated sofa by the window overlooking his money tree (the money tree was a maple tree with hundreds of Ben Franklins superglued to the branches) sat his lawyer Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani, as if to complete the room’s attire using two bodies, wore only…

…and a crazy-teeth, “Why am I not President?” expression of unassembled puzzlement.

Giuliani seemed to be waiting for something.