22 life lessons by 22 years
About a month ago I’ve finished yet another year. I believe that our birthdays are a perfect opportunity to slow down for a second and think about our lives. Think about what we’ve reached, and what is to be reached. I also believe that there isn’t anything wrong about reinventing your own wheel, as what is truly important — is the fact you’ve come up to that conclusion yourself.
I want to share with you 22 ideas that I’ve come up throughout my life. Some you may find useful, other — not so much. But at least you will slow down for a second and extrapolate my thoughts to yourself.
1. Life does not exist without a change. Stability is illusory. We are constantly moving. We are constantly changing externally and internally, these processes do not stop for a second. Even seconds, as a measure of measurement, is way too much. Processes go every moment. A sensible person can’t stand a question: “To change or not to change?”; it is only: “Do I have any relation to these changes and to what extent?”
2. Two abilities that you need to master as early as possible: the ability to strain and the ability to relax. Any movement requires effort at any one time. If you do something against your will, you will spend twice as much energy. Part is for the effort itself, the rest is for mental stress, for the internal struggle. Hence the need to learn to strain at will, to love one’s effort. With the ability to strain voluntarily, seeing this as an exceptionally positive aspect, the amount of force spent will decrease at times. It will be more and easier. And the ability to relax — to accept reality as it is, to let go of one’s own expectations, unleashing inner knots and removing bodily tension — the second wing, without which you can not move much on one strain.
3. Unrealized potential causes pain. It is useless to hide from this fact in the chosen level of comfort or beautiful philosophical concepts. For each talent you already have and only about to reach, the only person that is responsible for utilizing it is you.
4. Laziness does not exist. There are unloved occupations, a lack of energy and a lack of a large-scale vision to capture the spirit from the opening perspectives. But there is no laziness.
5. Life without a goal does not make sense. Just like the state without a change. The only question is, do you set these goals yourself or give it up to instincts (unconscious goals)?
6. Behind the comfort zone there is a zone of discomfort. And not a box of chocolates, alas.
7. What helped you at one stage may be a break on the next one. The ability to change cardinally is characterized by the possibility of refusing, but not only from what hinders you. Sometimes it is very important to give up what you have been helped in the past. A simple example: small business rules do not work work large enterprises. We grow without refusing a part of them, even if they raised the process yesterday — it is impossible. It is the same with the human personality — its attitudes and plans.
8. The result is the number of attempts. Not one accurate shot. And certainly not luck in the long term.
9. The state of 100% internal readiness for change does not exist. We are always not completely ready for turns and changes. There is always a strong “but” and the reasons to postpone a little to a more favorable situation. It is useless to wait for unambiguous internal agreement, it is necessary to decide, relying more on “time” than on ephemeral readiness.
10. We are all alike much more than different. The importance of personal uniqueness is greatly exaggerated and does not allow us to quickly solve our problems. All answers and solutions have long existed, and the obsession with one’s own uniqueness does not allow a person to push his or her ego to where it would be useful to always be without hindrance to perceive the surrounding reality with all the answers and clues.
11. “My body itself knows what is best for me” — one of the most insidious traps of the mind. The body of an alcoholic wants to drink, the body of a smoker dreams of a cigarette, our body craves chocolate and french fries. What kind of “knows the best” everyone is talking about? Just as the mind lives by automatic reactions, preventing a person from making elementary movements in the life, so the body obeys the habits and chaotic impulses of lust.
12. Not everyone can be happy. Well, can every person be happy? Yes of course! But this is in theory. In practice, steadily happy, that is: calm, balanced, gracious, if you want, can only be those who have the discipline of the mind. Whose mind is able (trained) not to jerk on all the numerous occasions that surround it. Who can remain in the balance of joy, not only in the calm but in a rush of unpleasant situations. Otherwise, all the endless occasions from a scratch on your car will throw you into pain, irritation, and anxiety. And this is just car! There are situations that are far more serious. Happy such a driven mind, reacting to any incident, can be called only in the status of Instagram.
13. The era of intimate knowledge that can change something is over. The era of information hygiene has come. Its been years as knowledge hasn’t been the main currency in the matter of achievements and any meaningful existence. The Internet has devalued them with their accessibility. Concentration came to replace. The ability to keep attention on the task and not to splash interest — that’s who rules. And this skill is directly dependent on the information noise that is everywhere today. The more verbal debris around — the weaker the focus. The more alien thoughts, the quieter your own voice. Constant presence in the Internet stream atrophies the ability to self-awareness, substituting the essence of the concept of what it is.
14. There are no guarantees. The basic rule of the universe, through which you need to push all your decisions and plans.
15. Today is what you did and thought yesterday, and tomorrow is what you do and think today. This phrase should be repeated as a mantra until it reaches you that your parents that they are not related to your adult problems. In any case, they are not guilty, that there is no one to change the record in your head, which has been rolling since childhood.
16. Awesome things differ from good ones making oneself forgetful. The creator differs from a man who does something good by putting the matter above himself, dissolving his or her ego in the process. And does it consciously and with love, and not because there is no choice or sense of duty. So, one marketer can be a true musician in the profession, and another musician for the rest of the life remains one who deals with music.
17. You can not find yourself, you can only create yourself. There’s no one and nothing to look for. You are always here and now. And your way is what’s under your feet at this particular second, nothing more. The very “own” way differs from what it is not only a fact of the awareness of the one who walks, which, even if small, but quite tangible, works. When these goals are determined by other people or they sprout chaotically through the word “should” — there is no way, there is a set of motley, unrelenting episodes.
18. Learn fundamentals. Like it or not, but math and physics are there not to make you suffer. The purpose of learning all those formulas, solving dozens of tough question is not for you to use them later on in your life. They are there to make you think, make you become a more thoughtful version of yourself.
19. Joy is the balance of the mind. Joy is a state of complete equilibrium rest in the mind that is achieved by freeing oneself from the blind (automatic) reactions of that mind itself. A healthy, perhaps the only, way to know (and develop) such a state in adulthood is a deep meditation of observation.
20. Joy and pleasure are not the same thing. We never get joy from a chocolate cake, a wine glass or a cigarette. We do not get joy from new boots or spirits. It is important to call things by their own names — we get pleasure. And here is a completely different chemistry. The nature of this feeling is very fleeting and inextricably linked with the subsequent dissatisfaction, boredom, satiety and the desire for a new portion. Do not be afraid to deny yourself the pleasures, it’s terrible not to know the joy.
21. Alcohol is not needed. At all. (Yes, I put it under this bullet for purpose)
22. Create more than you consume. Otherwise, that’s the end: the hopeless life of the consumer, floridly entwined into a meaningful conclusion: “Everything is good, but nothing good.” A person must do something. Voluntarily and loving. This is the formula of his mental health. And the bonus, which is curious, is the only way to enjoy the consumption that will not destroy it. This process can be considered a healthy mental metabolism.
