A shared story

My parents had me at a young age so there was a lot of learning about parenting for them as they, themselves were still growing up.
This is something I now consider, but for some time I’ve often observed them and our family from a critical perspective in which I found quite easy to see what didn’t work.
Yesterday, while I was preparing my father’s birthday present with my siblings, I realized something that has actually been revealing itself to me over time.
My siblings and I decided to give our father a photo presentation that relates the story of our family. Seeing the whole sequence that we put together, I could see another perspective as I reconnected the different moments in our family history. Each one of the photos was like an antenna tuned to a different frequency, depending on who was in the photo, how they were feeling and what was happening in that time period.
Sometimes I could feel the sadness, the daze or the resignation that was behind a smile for the camera, in others the illusion, the effort, or the disappointment. Surprisingly though, I could also see the reflection of the love that united us, in spite of the footprint that some moments of hardness or coldness had left in my body as the definitive memory of particular times.
Suddenly, I discovered how my perception of my family had been tainted by the impact that each encounter or disagreement had left on me, especially in some difficult moments. My need to survive in those difficulties, led me to not see what was truly going on, thus severing my ability to understand the why of what was happening.
Today I understand that at that time I was not able to look at the whole picture and put myself in the place of the other. Only today, after having invested in my growth and awareness, I am beginning to see more with a wider perspective, offering myself a broader reading of what I have experienced, understanding others choices, without victimizing myself or entering into complicity with another.
It may seem impossible to be completely objective in situations in which we have been directly involved, but from my experience, I know that it is very possible. After giving myself the time and space to feel, deal with and heal many of the hurts from my childhood, I have been able to return to those moments and recover my ability to feel the essence of my family members, without re-identifying myself with the behaviours or issues that took place.
As I continue to illuminate the bond that I have with each member of my family, I’m able to meet them from a fresh new space, seeing them for who they truly are.
I have learnt that, where there is awareness resides the understanding and acceptance of differences. Where there is love, there is truth and words are not always needed. A warm look, a reposed hand, a spontaneous caress, a cheek resting on the chest, being surrendered together, communicate much. The innate simplicity and wisdom of inexperienced parents, maybe immature but unconditional.
We are all learning to be the family we are, we all grow individually and our growth boosts that of others. We are united by life and it is a fact that love guides us in this journey together, supporting us to let go of that which separates us for us to find ourselves again in that unique space where we are one.
