Ever dream of me
Just once that all I need
After all these years, I need to confess. I miss you. I still miss you. When we teared apart and took our own paths, I thought it was going to be a relief. It was going to be fine. That I have brought my emancipation. Indeed I felt free. But still, sort of incomplete. I am still lost in your sea.
We were not a couple anymore a long time ago. But we managed to build that impenetrable fortress made of blankets that covered our deepest confessions and friendshipness. We were bound together like the universe is within each planet, star and system. But at same time, as far as it is for a human being. Like each atom is within its elements. But with infinite blank spaces within like it is.
We were unique. We were the deepest level of trustiness and boundness. We were the each other mind and soul half. We were friends. We were creations of each other. We were rapturous. We were the bosom for our teary cheeks. We were. We were.
We are meant not to be together.
Until today, thoughts of incompleteness assault my mind. It is interesting since I am almost sure we were not to be in the same blanket anymore. The tissue that covered and constrained together the boundaries of our hearts is not present anymore. We are meant not to be together. But it doesn't relieve the feeling of emptiness during moments when I used to text you, call you. Hear your voice and ask for advice. Hear your ground-shaking phrases on how delusionist I was about some subject, as much as your tender-hearted thoughts on how people should love more and spread more the tolerance.
I am almost sure I will not ever find someone to share these thoughts, voices and tightness. No one ought to fulfill this role in my existence anymore. That was a unique experience. And I am deeply grateful for having it. For feeling it. For taking part in it. And I miss that the most.
I am meant not to find such a deep boundness.
Despite, I do not want to go back. There is nothing for me there anymore. I cannot handle this universe on my backs anymore. It was time, I like to think. Maybe I am fooling myself with all this cradles I built around me. Empty cradles. But I really need to move on. And I am.
I was wondering if you ever dream of me. I dreamed of you and it was both sweet and bitter. You played the most decisive role on my life, and get known: I am eternally grateful for this. You made me the best person I can be to people. Maybe not to myself, but it is not your fault at all. You pushed my boundaries and I coped with you. You coped with me. We coped with all our problems, even in the very end. You saved my life.
We were meant to make each other a better person to the world.
I am moving on. I hope, from the deepest soil of my (now broken) heart that you find yourself happiness. I am seeking for mine. It has been harsh, I admit. But we both deserve to be happy. Only never I thought, apart from each other.
I want to break free.
Ever dream of me.
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