Snoring Villager Annoys Everyone In Community Shelter

Jun 6, 2015 · 2 min read

Despite sleeping together in the community shelter since Nepal’s 7.8 magnitude earthquake in April, this week red-eyed villagers in Manekharka convened to discuss a growing problem. Something has been keeping them up at night, literally.

Hari Mahato, 29, is the talk of the town this week, and everyone is saying the same thing: “Gosh! He snores like a lion!”

At approximately 6:15 a.m. Friday, Mahato woke up to find himself laying near the makeshift helipad in the village, couple hundred feet from the community shelter where he went to sleep. “It was weird,” said a bewildered Mahato. “I don’t sleep walk, I think.”

Villagers admitted moving Mahato and his mattress out of the shelter, so they could get some REM sleep too. “I can’t believe he snores so much,” Jhole Kandel, 34, complained. “It’s like he’s sleeping on clouds! I nudged him and plugged his nose, but nothing seemed to help.”

Manekhara village, which 35 families call home, is high up in the mountains of Sindupalchowk District in Nepal. It was hard hit by the earthquake, but the village seemed ill-prepared to handle this new challenge from one of their own.

“He even slept through Wednesday’s aftershock,” interjected a boy, maybe 12, from the crowd that gathered.

The village elders have pledged to launch a GoFundMe campaign to raise funds to buy a separate tarp for Mahato. There are rumors that the online campaign, aptly codenamed “sleeper cell”, will be promoted with the hashtag #WeWillHelpNepalSleepAgain.”

“Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m asleep or awake,” a dazed and exhausted Kandel mumbled. “Is this real life?”

Seriously though, Nepal needs your help. The earthquake has claimed more than 8,500 lives, triggered thousands of landslides, and the upcoming monsoon season threatens to cut off access to hundreds of villages and wreck even more havoc. Sign petition to White House to increase aid to Nepal, and make plans to visit Nepal anytime after September this year.

P.S. I tried to get this published on BuzzFeed and The Onion, but got turned down, so here it is on my blog. Yes, it’s satire.

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