Job Title: Sycophant
Location: metro area
Regular/Temporary: Regular
Job ID: 37047734
Job Description:
The Sycophant plays an important, highly visible role within the organization. Primary duties include agreeing with leadership on matters large and small, disseminating information to other team members, and staying abreast of worker morale. You will infiltrate the organization, positioning yourself as a sounding board and dedicated assistant, while subtly inserting yourself into every meeting, project regroup and social function in order to gather information and report your findings to leadership.
Responsibilities:
• Appear busy at all times. Whether answering emails, attending meetings, or simply hovering over shoulders, it is imperative that you project an air of being busy and important.
• Hold one-on-one meetings with employees, in order to gather information in a relaxed environment. The ability to convince employees to provide uncensored feedback in confidence is essential.
• Agree with leadership publicly during meetings, discussions, brainstorms and conference calls, oftentimes serving as an informal tie breaker to ensure the group acquiesces to leadership demands accordingly.
Basic Qualifications:
• BA from name-brand university, MA preferred
• 3–5 years experience in a similar role
Minimum Qualifications:
• Fluent in industry jargon and buzz words
• Polished, professional, unassuming manner
• Respect for authority and institutions, including corporations
Preferred Qualifications:
• Lack of self-awareness and self-consciousness
• Disinterest in forming your own thoughts and opinions
• Sociopathic tendencies are a plus!
