A Few Thoughts about Promoting Gender Equity in Online Discussions
It happened again the other day, that same familiar rage combined with numbness while reading the posts in a Facebook group. Once again, in a discussion group devoted to esoteric practice, I saw a woman make a post and very quickly get piled on by men, asserting that she was ignorant of the issue, had an embarrassing lack of expertise, and then provided with detailed expositions demonstrating their own mastery and brilliance. By the time the original poster had any opportunity to try to clarify her original request, the tone had been set, and clearly upset and embarrassed, she left the group. It’s a pattern we all know, and while I see it in my own world played out most egregiously in occult and academic circles, there is no space that is safe from the destructive impacts of aggressive male online conversational styles.
What really blew my mind in this case, though, was I knew a number of these men, and I knew that at least one of them would have been the first to condemn this sort of behavior, yet there he was devouring the carcass of that woman more heartily than most in that conversation. I asked myself why, presuming that he would have a heightened sensitivity to this sort of behavior, would he do this? And what occurred to me was that perhaps he didn’t have the tools not to.
I have spent almost the last twenty years as an online educational professional. I taught hundreds of courses online, and finished my career in higher education helping faculty become better online educators. An important part of online teaching is moderating online discussion boards. Doing this in an educational context can be a challenge, and doing it well requires being trained in certain techniques of online discussion. One should develop an awareness of the dynamics of the online discussion, work to give everyone a voice, and not tolerate online bullies. Perhaps some of the strategies we use in managing an online classroom can help people to do better in creating the equitable discussion spaces that many of us want to see.
Because this is a heavily gendered issue, I am going to address many of these strategies to men, although I think we all would do well to work to create more productive and joyful online discussions that will boost inclusivity. However, two things are worth noting at the outset: First, and I know this will be uncomfortable, many women’s voices go unheard in online discussion groups because men gain status from competing with and upstaging other men. I have seen women’s contributions utterly ignored and have been myself in both academic and esoteric discussions because I was simply not considered of sufficient status to engage with. I see this all the time. Women publish all sorts of amazing comments in discussion threads and go completely unacknowledged. Male scholars are notably terrible about this sort of behavior, and it spills into publishing and conferences where academic men become terribly busy just trying to get one up on each other. It’s boring, it’s old, and I would love it if my male colleagues would acknowledge this behavioral pattern, and just stop doing it. Which brings me to another point: some men (and some women) just genuinely don’t care about increasing women’s participation in any forum whatsoever. Some, as we know, are actively hostile to the idea, and others simply aren’t bothered or don’t see a problem. While I don’t have a way to adequately address that issue, let me try to present some tips that might, maybe, make a difference in our online conversations.
1. Do not use a discussion thread for massive paragraphs of content delivery. This is especially important if you fancy yourself a “teacher”. Teaching is not simply about sharing all the great stuff you know, it’s about building relationships, and this is true whether you are in a bricks and mortar classroom or online. If you have expertise to demonstrate, write a blog, article or book, reference it in a link, and then make the rest of your response about engagement. Don’t tell, ask.
2. When engaging in an online discussion, do your best to actively survey the balance of participation overall in a thread. Be aware when a woman has made a contribution to a thread that has been unacknowledged and follow it up with a question.
3. Are you only responding to other men in the discussion? Is this an argument worth having in this forum, or are you only participating in the discussion to publicly support someone you want attention from? Consider the overall impacts of this sort of behavior in an online conversation. Does it create an equitable environment? Balance your own participation and responses in a discussion thread to include the women participants. I’m not saying you have to give every poster equal attention, but be aware of your own interactional bias.
4. Remember that we are not all reading and writing in the same way, and that different cultural backgrounds impact writing and reading styles. We don’t all express ourselves with the same type of clarity so don’t assume your online discussion is happening in an environment of equal and level communication. Therefore, don’t leap in to respond to a post with a condemnation. Ask for clarification on their intent in a respectful manner by taking responsibility for perhaps not understanding, and then prompt for examples. Don’t ask for clarification in a way that assumes they are at fault in their communication, however, because it takes two to tango here. And don’t be short or overly punctuated in your request because that comes off as rude to many people in an online environment. Of course, in highly polemical or overtly political discussions this still may end up seeming like confrontation, and context is everything. But, say, for a thread on spiritual practice or academic theory, don’t jump in to lecture because you initially think they are wrong or you haven’t heard of them. Get them to unpack what they really mean, and then respond from a perspective of personal experience and opinion rather than being the expert looking to school the noob. Besides, it’s likely that you don’t actually know what this person is bringing to the game.
5. Online engagement is not about endless confrontation and scoring points, and we need to stop this pattern of discourse because it is seriously damaging. For every point you make in a discussion, ask for an opinion, or others’ experience of the issue, and be thoughtful about how you do so.
6. Do you only publicly solicit the thoughts and opinions of men whose opinions you value? This goes beyond the online sphere, but promote women’s visibility by actively citing and seeking women’s thoughts, ideas, and work, and link to women’s contributions when you get the chance. If you claim to value the work of women and are interested in more than playing status games with other men, then link to our work, and open the floor to our voices, online and elsewhere.
7. Remember, you don’t always have to say something or have a response. Just read, listen, and learn. It’s ok.
