Vent

And now I know. He said he wouldn’t do it. Over and over. And over and over again he does. He lies to me. I hate lies more than anything in this world. His lies say “I don’t love you. I don’t respect you. I don’t cherish you. I don’t care about you. I’m going to feed my selfish desire in spite of you.”

This is not how a man should treat his wife. And yet, he does.

As stupid as this sounds, I made a vow to God, and so for that reason alone, I will not divorce him. But I also will not condone his lies. I will not hide it from his children, nor make it appear to be right in any way. He has forsaken me, and in doing so had chosen his own path. A path that I will not stand beside him on.

He refuses to talk and behaves as if his choice is irrelevant to my life. His choice to lie. His choice to continue to get high. His choice to completely disrespect me.

I need to do a lot of praying, because the urge to hate him is unbearable right now.

I wish this were a vent. Somewhere I could drop words and they would be whisked away from me. Unfortunately, no matter how much I write, the words linger like bitter lemon in my soul.