Life without kids. Mom, it’s OK to reminisce.
Calm, quite, restful. Looking back on my kidless years these words first come to mind. I remember being busy, I remember being tired, I remember being stressed, but what I honestly can’t remember is why. What did I do before kids? It may feel like 10 years ago but as reality shows, its been not even 4 years as my oldest turns 4 in March. Funny how everything gets blurry once kids hit the scene. Days and nights are intertwined, weeks get confused with months and before you know it, time seems lost. One day won’t end while the next day you miss.
‘They’ say take it in, savor it, remember it. I really do try to take those words to heart but some days it is really hard to do just that. How do you savor the moment with your breastfeeding baby while your toddler is tugging on your shirt crying because you can’t get them a snack? Or how to you savor that playful moment with your toddler when your baby is refusing a nap? Or when you wish for a fun outing with the kids and it ends with over tired, extremely hungry, uncontrollable emotions from the kids. And above all, how do you even manage to do anything at all when you are too tired to find the on switch to the coffee maker?
As soon as the kids are content for a moment, do you find yourself running off to a dark corner of the house to hide? Literally hide from your toddlers. Phone in hand, chocolate in the other, just to get a breather from your life. The dishes are calling you, the dust bunnies chased you down the hall and the laundry that is nearly attacking your room — you just try and ignore it. Its OK to wish for a quiet moment. Its OK to want a quite moment. As guilty as I feel that I do that sometimes, I know I shouldn’t. Mommy needs to keep her sanity some how. If mommy goes crazy — we are all doomed.
What can even feel more guilty is enjoying the reminiscent times when I think back. Think back to when it was just me and my schedule. Little me and my quite, small and tidy apartment. Think back to when it was just me and my husband and enjoying what we wanted when we wanted. Think back to just needing to look after and care about me. Whoa…mind blown. Just me.
Kids change it all. No matter the age, they change it all forever. Never will we go back to where we were. Some days, lets all be honest, that is kind of sad. However, like I have said it a few times already…my girls are now what makes my world go round. A few years ago I obviously had different priorities. Now, they have changed and my kids are at the top of that list. These days I definitely have to work harder trying to find balance in my life, but that’s ok. Its worth it.
On the days that I struggle being in the role that I am currently in, I do enjoy the moments I can get to myself and reminisce. On the good days, I enjoy just being in the moment and savoring it. So no matter the day — good or bad — try to enjoy it. And whatever you do, try not to feel guilty over doing it. Don’t let the ‘mom guilt’ creep in. You need to have time alone. You need to have time to refresh. You need to have spent one-on-one with your kids. You need those alone date nights with your husband. And once and a while, you need that frappuccino that costs over $5. No guilt ladies. No guilt.