The Last Time
It was evening. I was savoring the moment of silence as my baby was enjoying the rest of her milk before bed. My toddler was playing quietly in her room. As I gazed upon my sweet girl laying in my lap, I noticed how much she loves to play with the corners of her blankie. You can give her any part of the blanket, but she will find a corner and hang on tight. And it came back to me in an instant. Jayda used to do that. She was all about playing with the corners of her blankies too. And then it hit me again, when did I stop noticing Jayda playing with the corners of her blankies? I almost started to panic as it occurred to me that Jayda has grown up. Almost too much.
You keep telling yourself during the temper tantrums, during the pee spills, during the disastrous days that it will get easier. They grow up and it gets easier. You hang on to that truth because you know, one day, it will get easier. Jayda is 2, turning 3 in March and I can nearly confidently say that things are starting to get easier with her. But in that same moment I realized that, panic set in again. She’s growing up. I mean, she’s 2 and I have already been kicked out of her bedroom and she knows how to lock that bathroom door when she goes potty or wants privacy.
As I notice Ava now having the same tendencies as her big sister, I try and savor all those small little things. Watching her play, move and smile is just perfection. There will come a day where I will stop noticing Ava playing with the corners of her blankie too. That thought breaks my heart. Its such a conflict of emotion: you want to hang tight to all those ‘baby’ moments, yet you are looking forward to the next phase when things might get easier.
Every time you help your kids pull on their pants, wash their hair, or zip up their coat you never ever think it will be the last time you help them. You don’t even consider it in that moment. Instead, in that moment you are thinking of where you need to be, who you need to talk to, or what you could be doing other than putting on yet another pair of socks.
As much as I am thrilled to see my girl grow up and become more independent, it also hurts. Two short years with long days and she doesn’t need me all the time now. I guess what I am trying to say is, as hard as it is to live in the moment with very demanding baby’s and toddlers…it’s true. Enjoy it while it lasts because as I am already seeing it in my 2 years old…she is growing up. And on those hard days where you need something to hang onto, a positive is that at least baby’s don’t talk back and kick you out of their room.