My point is not that trans women do not also face restrictions in language or fears, or struggles.

“Trans women who do not and never had uteri are going into infertile women’s groups and attempting to compare experience and for the women in those groups who were born with uteri and are facing infertility, this is insulting, offensive, and often if a woman dares to express her feeling around this, she is threatened.”

This happens quite often, or you read about a single trans woman doing this once on a forum somewhere? Because you should be more specific when referring to an oppressed minority group. I have a friend who is infertile who has told me that she relates very much to trans women because of it, so I doubt that every cis woman is upset about the prospect of a trans woman relating to infertile cis women. Whether or not she should go to a support group for it, I don’t know, I think that’s up to the individual groups whether they’ll accept the experiences of trans women. But I very much doubt this is happening en masse, and I would love for us to get to a point where every time a single trans woman does or says something questionable or offensive we don’t end up with a new think piece about how “the trans movement” is out of control.

Most trans people are not activists and unless you can provide me proof that the trans woman who went to that support group was an activist too then I can’t see how you’re blaming this on trans activism. It’s pretty sad if cis women expect every trans woman to be well-behaved and sharing the exact same viewpoint before you accept them as people.

I understand the worry about not being able to speak up without getting attacked, but that’s also true of trans women, who face incredible harassment often just for existing. I do want everybody to get along, and I don’t think there are any easy answers here, but it’s not going to happen unless we can stop exaggerating and also acting like trans women are collectively responsible for the behavior of all other trans women in a way that cis women aren’t. Because I’ve seen an awful lot of cis women out there tolerate or even condone hate speech against trans women under the guise of “blowing off steam” yet turn around and demand that all trans women are responsible for the actions of a few.

Call out misogyny AND transmisogyny where you can and then maybe we’ll talk. We need to act like a united front at the start instead of both sides sitting back and insisting the other side stop retaliating first.

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