Excerpts from a Diary #1
I kissed a man on Friday night while under the steady influence of alcohol. What I remember was surprisingly tender and sweet and gentle. He’s a philosopher and a comedian. That may seem like an unlikely pairing but perhaps the only way to navigate the oppressive morbidity of this futile life is to ridicule it. His gigs are always dark. That’s maybe what attracts me to him: his own darkness mirrors mine.
As I said, I cannot recall all of the subtleties of the evening, however what is ingrained in my recollections is that we talked intensely and touched and laughed. I remember the manner of his face as it would brush softly against my cheek when he leaned in to speak to me. His lips were a question, a proposal to know me further. His hands moved to my waist, encircling me, drawing me nearer. My fingers unconsciously mapped his arms as if it was necessary to be in constant contact with his skin — my machinations attempting to commit the feel of him to my fickle memory. We held each other in the incongruent hipster chaos of the bar entitled ‘The Power and the Glory’.
We danced, revolving slowly on the spot; an oasis of burgeoning intimacy and calm as the superficial activity of the start of the weekend raved around us. I was for once completely absorbed in the present, usually intangible, moment.
We eventually departed and alighted at a club of such dinginess and hole-like appearance that it could only have been belched forth from the imagination of those who exist in shadow and the heaviness of permanent intoxication. We found ourselves on a raised platform, alone in a corner. His mouth introduced itself to mine. He would occasionally break our heavy-breathed rhythm to stroke my collar bones and remark on how he liked the way I smelt. The perpetual roving and roaming of his hands along my sides and back, the slight fondling of the hem of my red dress, culminated in lust but also a kind of innocent worship. It was an exaltation that seemed more earnest and appreciative than purely sexual and salacious.
He made me feel safe.