The Love Of Your Life Does Not Exist

Once upon a time, I believed in fairy tales. I was a princess who will one day find her prince. My prince won’t be like other, ordinary fellas. He is going to be so special and made just for me that we would instantly sense that when we meet. The time will just prove that we are perfectly meant for each other.

That’s how the fairy tale was supposed to go. With a lot of romantic moments that take your breath away, wonderful surprises, romantic getaways, love poems, lovely gestures, hearts running around our heads, and all other cheesy stuff.

I even had a few experiences that resembled a part of that love fairy tale, especially at the beginning of the relationship. That made the whole belief that fairy tales exist very real.

You attract what you believe in.

That’s why I was holding on to that belief so strongly. As long as I believe in it, I will find it.

But then, the prince appeared to have some flaws.

He was either too possessive and jealous or he became a bit uninterested and less romantic. Which led me to think that he’s not my prince after all. My soul mate, the love of my life is born just for me and this wasn’t it.

Whenever someone doesn’t match all the things on our expectation list or doesn’t behave the way we imagined them to behave or doesn’t say or do what we expected them to, we realize our prince charming is not that charming. Furthermore, he may not be a prince at all.

I believed that love is always fireworks, butterflies, unicorns, all the intensity, and extreme feelings that are making you jump around and smile all the time. If I don’t have that, it’s not real love.

It took me a decade and a bit more of life experience, many books, and real-life relationships analyzed to come to the conclusion that my prince, the one, the love of my life does not exist.

No one was born just for me, to complete me and naturally knows how to treat me the way I expect.

You know how they say: your dream job does not exist; you must create it.

Well, your dream partner and dream relationship do not exist, you (both of you) must create it.

This was a great revelation for me! It gave me freedom and a different perspective. It prevented me from searching for something that doesn’t exist. It stopped me from labeling partners as “not good enough” and“not my prince”.

“It is our imagination that is responsible for love, not the other person.”
― Marcel Proust

It made me replace the childish question Is this my prince? with some really important questions such as:

— Is this person someone I can create a great relationship with?
— How can we create the love story we would both enjoy?
— Is this person willing to listen to me and understand my needs? Can I understand his?
— Can I understand his point of view and expand mine?
— Can we both grow and become better in our relationship?
— Are the things he’s asking of me and I’m asking of him something we can both accept, or do we feel like we have to give up a part of ourselves and sacrifice too much?
— Are we okay to live with the things we agree to disagree about?
— Are we willing to openly communicate about everything and find a compromise and solution?

Great relationships and marriages don’t magically happen because two people who were meant to be together found each other and they lived happily ever after.

They happen because both partners are fully committed to it and they make it work. They create their happily ever after.

It’s never guaranteed.

This is not a bad thing. The sooner we realize this and start having a healthy emotional connection and expectations, the better.

Don’t teach your daughters that they need a prince and a person who is made just for them. They don’t need a prince to make them a princess. They can treat themselves with royalty.

Teach them to be happy and complete on their own. We must love, respect, and give ourselves everything we expect to get from others.

It’s no one’s responsibility to make us happy, it’s an inside job.

Give what you want to receive.

You can only give what you have, that’s why it’s crucial that we practice self-love every day.

I’m not saying we don’t need a partner because we’re strong and independent. I’m not saying we should lower our standards.

I’m just saying we should replace a fairy tale love story from our imagination with a real-life love story we must work hard in order to make it our kind of fairy tale.

You will know the difference because fairy tale from your imagination is not challenging, it’s just a permanent state of bliss, love, and happiness (that’s precisely why it’s not real).

A real-life love story is fluid, it’s challenging, and it requires you to work on yourself, change, and become a better person.

Love and a healthy relationship should make you grow and make you a better person.

So, cheers to growing in love! :)

Please clap if you like this post and share it if you find it useful :) Thanks!