Menopause and Marriage
Two very powerful words. Two words that by themselves mean tremendous change and maturation. Consciously bring these two giants of human initiation together and you have the perfect setting for a rapid decalcification of the soul. Unconsciously place them in the same room — and you have war!
First of all, I wish to express why I am writing this series on the Menopause. This is truly on behalf of all women. To encourage them through, as naturally as possible. To offer them friendship through the waves of transformation and to also give me this creative outlet of putting pen to paper. I am also engaging in this work on behalf of the brotherhood to dispell the mystery and encourage them to ‘Ride On’ with us.
I am writing during a time of tremendous upheaval myself, I have no answers, only honesty and reality. I am not an authority on any of this, I haven’t got a clue, but I can see and feel its power. And if we can work this power then something really good can come of it.
So let begin.
I would like to start by dispelling the myth that menopause makes HER angry at HIM. The bigger picture is SHE is angry at the WORLD. She is angry because she sees the bigger picture. In her early days, she may have been blinded by her hormones, desiring this, that and the other. She may have felt the importance of belonging to a certain scene, doing certain things that kept her finger on the pulse. Appearing in a certain way. During menopause, all that slides out of view and you get to see things as they really are. And more importantly, you get to feel things as they really are.
And the bigger picture beyond that? She’s not only angry. She is grief-stricken and wailing. She is the sound of our collective selfishness.
And that ain’t pretty.
I was watching a programme called The Truth About Menopause with Mariella Frostrup (BBC) and the majority of women a) don’t tell their husbands, b) try to carry on with their high powered career and c) don’t discuss it with their girl-friends. This is incredible to me. I can’t see how you could possibly pull that off.
Which brings me to the second point. If you are in a Marriage or Relationship, or live with your children, or work with other people — it’s going to impact on them.
We are talking about a 5–7 year process, at least. It has to impact on others, maybe it ‘has’ to. Maybe this is the refining process for the species. I don’t know. All I know is that if I had a few years back, I would make a ceremony where I addressed my nearest and dearest saying something along the lines of:
“Beloved Family, I am beginning a journey and I am going to change. How I will change, I don’t know but I love you all so very much and that is something that will not change. But I have to do this alone. And I ask for your blessing to let me go. I will still be here functioning as mum, daughter and wife, but inwardly I may be elsewhere tending to what must be tended too. Thank you for this gift of hearing me.”
Big exhale. And let go…
Coming back to the marriage. If you do this consciously HE will encounter a very truthful mirror, and it may be shocking. HIS emotional soft fuzzy place has gone. HIS colluder with BS or judgment isn’t around anymore. SHE will question everything, not only about him but herself and the world. The ability to ‘let’s have sex like rabbits and make it all go away’… gone. The “If I just touch you the way you like it, where you like it”… doesn’t freakin work. Basically, you are now living with a ninja. Nothing works, so lets cut the crap.
She is now in stealth mode. She is a black, leather-clad (well, sort of) sword-wielding bass ass, pain-in-the-ass Ninja. And nothing gets past her. She wants Truth. She needs Purity. She’s fed-up with Lies.
Now, for HER. If you do this consciously, through HIM you will get the excruciating experience of seeing your youth, charm, false beauty, figure horribly slide out of view (daily). If you are not with HIM, there’s a danger you will remain in your make-believe world of “I’ve still got it!”. Through HIM, you will also encounter any unhealed anxieties concerning the angry father and the tense atmosphere within the family home. Again, without HIM…. all of this could go under the radar.
Despite this sounding like shit… I must say. Every now again there is a breath of fresh air, where Pete and I really get to see one another and it is glorious. It is heavenly. I swear to God — he glows. And I know I’m glowing — because I am. I can feel the spirit of purity move through me, through us both.
However, if you go through this unconsciously, decide not to tell him, keep it all pent up and hidden, or masked and denied — then BOOM — something exceptional will, or may not happen. If you allow that anger to turn into hate, or that insecurity to turn into jealousy, or that irritability to turn into disrespect — then you will crucify your marriage. You will slay the person and the process — and you will not grow towards the Light. You will stay exactly where you are, until one day, some brave female from your family line decides to open up the shutters and bring in the Light. She will face and go through the millennia of denial of the menopause. She will go through the thick and thin of gender mistrust and separation and she will go through the death of her maiden and mother years, alone.
Until WE can meet her there.
What really supports this process is understanding and responsibility. SHE needs to understand that she needs to retreat and really be with herself, and honour, yes honour the journey.
HE needs to also take the steps that will transition him into an older phase of life, or to accompany his wife (if she is older).
Menopause and Marriage = Unimagined Freedom or Hell.
I truly believe, when we reach the other side, not only would I, woman be transformed into Truth, but also my man. Let’s see. Hopefully, I’ll still be here to tell the tale.
Huge Love to all you women. So much compassion. And a massive back slap to the Men. Thank you — for witnessing us, and not turning your back.