I am a Veteran of the War on Terror
On 15 August 2021, nine days after my anti-climactic last day in uniform, Kabul fell to the Taliban. I remember being fixated on my phone until sunrise. I was lying in a tent at Tunnel Mountain Campground in Banff during my “retirement” trip, miserable.
Ever since, I can’t stop thinking about how the Afghanistan generation of soldiers has more in common with Viet Nam veterans than we’d like to admit. Our “peacebuilding” war was not successful, to put it politely. We are the latest members of a glorious historical cast who overestimated their unique ability to transform the graveyard of empires.
My name is Bruno Perron. I am a veteran of the War on Terror and the Afghanistan campaign. I released in August 2021 in silent distress, extremely angry, feeling alone. I had the instinct, and only enough energy, to isolate more deeply. I joined the Canadian Armed Forces in 2009 shortly after graduating from Mount Saint Vincent University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I spent 12 years as a Canadian Army Intelligence Officer adventuring and amassing a wealth of unique experiences. Most days were interesting and challenging, many were fun, and a few stand out as great.
Months after being voluntarily released, I finally found enough peace to seek help. That is when I was diagnosed by a psychologist with mental health issues related to my military service. I will try to explain how empowering a diagnosis can be for those who suffer from poor mental health. For me, it allowed glimpses of self-compassion where self- blame, shame and guilt dominated my life. I started understanding how monoliths like severe anxiety and major depression are symptoms of larger, often colliding external forces.
My initial diagnosis included: Other Specified Trauma and Stressor Related Disorder. This uninspired collection of words comes from the DSM-5, published by the American Psychiatric Association. My last boss in uniform, and mentor, hit the proverbial nail on the head when he discreetly inquired if I was suffering from a moral injury a few months before my release. Since my diagnosis, I have also related to growing literature on the complex kind of post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).
As an intelligence officer, most of my military service was from a desk. Even my deployment to Afghanistan was relatively comfortable. I served in Kabul during the summer of 2013. I was an intelligence watchkeeper in the situation room for the top NATO General in country — a position named Commander of the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF).
I share this insight into the relative comfort of my deployment to erode preconceived notions of mental health struggles resulting from military service. True, some of my peers do have issues resulting from single traumatic often violent incidents, but for others including me, it’s more elusive.
Instead of one incident simply replaying in your mind, it feels like the mental version of a death by a thousand cuts. Small but frequent moments of cognitive dissonance add up, eroding your personal ethics and social contract. I think it’s a type of mental health trauma that is harder to self-identify because it is cumulative. I just thought I was burning out, which I was… but missed how my life and soul had disconnected. With these powerful influences on my thoughts, mood and energy levels — I am prone to ruminate.
I wonder if these complex thoughts will be with me forever. More than 40,000 Canadians served in Afghanistan as members of the Canadian Armed Forces. I know I’m not alone. This is comforting and should be on all of our minds as we approach the short annual moment we give to remember the burden of war. Lest we forget.
The tragedy of the last few weeks in Palestine and Israel makes it harder to ignore the reality that there may be more Islamic extremists today in the world than on 10 September 2001. If the true motive for the “war on terror” was to reduce the number of people whiling to use violence to propel their fundamentalist views, we have likely failed. I fear this moment in history, as collective trauma increases, many seek to justify violence… again.
Shock and awe has not worked. Western strategy is due for innovation.
I hope we see a new era of peacemakers soon.
Thank you Sarah Julien, my editor, for showing me how words can “pack a punch”.
