Am I really that obnoxious?

Ignoring all my teenage beliefs, I’m letting people’s opinions get under my skin, and it’s not cool.

I’m aware of most of my character flaws. Listing a few from the top of my head:

  • I talk a lot.
  • I talk about myself a lot.
  • I tend to compete about what I say, I’m the +1 person in a group. (e.g. you went to the moon? Nice, I went to fucking Saturn).
  • I’m dramatic as hell .
  • I overreact over stupid things (not stupid for me).
  • I hate losing an argument, I’ll cry if I need to, just to prove my point.
  • I can be hurtful with my choice of words.
  • I take things personal.
  • I’m always the victim, even if I acknowledge my fault, it’s not, because of what I’ve been through.
  • I live in the past, so much that cherishing old stories is far more comforting that savoring current ones.
  • I’m a perpetual nostalgic, I feel sorry for what’s happening right now and how I’ll look back and long to relive this exact moment in a couple of years. Most of the music I listen to is old, I feel sad for all the things I “missed” by not being a part of that era. (I’d give it all to be able to go to a Pink Floyd concert back in the seventies). I’m constantly thinking about how everything that makes up now will look in perspective, how would I call this period of my life?.
  • I have a bad temper, get mad quite easily. (in my defense: I also get over it easily; people don’t).
  • I’m always defending myself.
  • Even when I accept my mistakes, I consider it an act of kindness that should be celebrated.
  • I’m constantly lying about stupid things.
  • I can be a real bitch sometimes. But I defend myself with one of my most powerful arguments:

“Hey, I’m an upfront bitch, transparent and honest.”

No, I’m not transparent, upfront or honest, In reality I’m just a manipulative bitch.

  • I’m one of those attention seeking persons (no one will ever know how hard writing this sentence was).
  • I’m conceited and think very highly of myself. I really consider myself smarter than most of the people surrounding me.
  • I always fall for people who support this idea. Having people consider me smart is by far the best compliment anyone can ever say to me.
  • I always think I could’ve done things way better that everyone else. Everything, from writing an email to adding data to an excel sheet, my way is the best way, always.
  • I’m not generous. I give things to people only to enhance the way they look at me. I want to look like the good guy, always.
  • I’m a oversharing person, every detail of every relationship I’ve ever had? Yup, you will hear about it, over and over again.
  • There are things I don’t share, with anyone, ever. And these things are tearing me apart.
  • I’m selfish and inconsiderate.
  • I think I deserve it all, while at the same time I struggle with the idea of having zero value to anyone.
  • I can be real pretentious and fake.
  • I act according to who’s next to me.
  • I like to brag about the recklessness of my teenage years only to prove to others that I’m not as boring as I look/am today.
  • I also brag about the responsible and functional young adult I am today.
  • I think I’m better than everyone else who still lives with their parents.
  • I think I may have a mental illness sometimes.
  • I like thinking I may have a mental illness because that’d be the perfect explanation to it all.
  • Though honestly don’t think there’s anything biologically wrong with me.
  • I have this huge issue with my mother that I either talk about a lot or not at all. Not talking about it right now.
  • I hate the idea of me becoming like my mother.
  • I think of myself as a self sufficient person.
  • I ask my dad for money every three weeks, even if it’s just 20 dlls.
  • I’m always stressed about money and I suck at administrating myself.
  • I’m as emotionally unstable as one can be.
  • I stress over the small things.
  • I can have a really rude attitude towards random people when I’m under stress.

Honestly, I don’t know what this is anymore. All I know is I don’t like people calling me out for any of these few flaws. People, I know! No need to remind me.

Despite all of this, I still don’t consider myself as an obnoxious person to be around. I mean, yes, I can be annoying at times but that’s not all of who I am. There’s so much more to me than a pissed off attitude and a mean face when someone tells me something I don’t like hearing.