Puzzled

I need to reinvent myself or I will start inventing you.

I’d love to watch you drive while your thoughts race your car towards destination. From all the things piecing together my universe you are the one thing, only I can see. Actually, I’m not convinced you could fit me. I’d bet you drink your coffee black, the way I can’t even taste it but for sure you hate morning sex, just as I do. We probably go to the same places for fun, but you have drinks somewhere I’ve never been. I can picture you getting dressed to go out, in an apartment that fits only you — the kind that impresses visitors but doesn’t welcome them to stay. I would feel comfortable there just because I’d love anything that would define you, and only you. I’d fear to make anything ours because then I would have to give you half of everything I love. For sure you’d accept my selfishness to have it all.

Settling for something. That’s one thing you must know I hate. In everyone around me. Other’s settling ruins my chances to have it all. Playing this lottery is like a leap of faith or stretch of luck. And I never had too much of any.

You probably already know I hate looking forward to things just because I live by wanting it all right now. I’m incapable of patience, but I hope you are the opposite of me. I compensate my lack of patience by the courage it takes one to fix bad decisions. I am convinced that diving into chaos, running from one corner of my mind to the opposite one of my soul is the fastest way to bring the pieces together. Did I say you’re the one that’s missing?

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