Oh how I love jury duty, let me count the defendant’s wayward ways. At 8 o’clock on a Monday morning 200 people, myself included, arrived at our local County Court House to do our civic duty. Weeks prior we had been notified of this obligation by mail and most of us were annoyed. But after a few minutes of kicking and screaming, our collective sense of responsibility resigned us to do our part for the community.

Upon arrival we stood quietly single file in a long line at the end of which I sincerely hoped would be a bar serving…

Somebody tell me… why I work so hard for you… to give you money. Oh, to give you money.

You’re a responsible individual seeking health, a bit of wealth, happiness, and that special someone with whom to share all of the above. As a reasonable person, you expect to work in order to afford what you have pictured as a decent lifestyle.

But what if early on in your lifeline you discover that your partner doesn’t share your diligent work ethic? What if he/she doesn’t want to work AT ALL? Well, who cares if you end up financially supporting that…

FIRST OF ALL… the song is by a band called Player. That’s right, Player. Didn’t know that before? Me neither. Can you hear the argument that may have ensued after the song’s release?

Baby: Why you naming your band Player? What’s that supposed to mean?

Player: It’s just a name, Baby. It wasn’t even my idea — it was the other guys in the band, I swear!

Baby: Uh huh… right.

The beginning lines to the song are: “Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town, doing anything to get you off my mind.”

Can you…

(2015 3rd place winner, adult non-fiction Yorkarts, Yorkfest, PA)

Tonight the local news aired a story about next month’s annual reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg. Guess what they’re going to have at the ‘reenactment’? Medical staff in case the reenactors get too hot, plus tents with misting water to spray the reenactors in case they get too flustered during their faux-slayings and pretend death-gurglings.

The news story interviewed reenactors who showed-off their authentic clothing, food provisions, and weaponry.

BUT HOW ON EARTH CAN THEY CALL IT A REENACTMENT IF THERE ARE MEDICAL TENTS AND MISTING FACILITIES AVAILABLE? IT’S NOT…

You say tomahto, I say tomayto…

Okay, okay, alright… while BOTH ways are acceptable placements of a toilet paper roll, there are some glaring differences between Over vs. Under personality types.

Under people are best known for insisting theirs is the correct choice because it prevents excessive wasteful rolling of toilet tissue. Over people mastered the fine art of removing a reasonable amount of toilet paper from a roll sometime before entering Kindergarten.

Under people are also notorious for leaving kitchen sponges sopping-full of soapy water because they dare not waste soap. Over people never do this. …

Ooooh Babe, Ooooh Babe, Ooooh Babe, of course Mama’s gonna help build the wall…

And oh, how high a wall—inside which some mamas rule as entitled lords, manipulating their surroundings. Husbands: vassals whose toil and labor pay to maintain an acceptable lifestyle. Children: subjects, sources of adulation and performers of domestic duties.

As holds true to all who are in the habit of using people, such women must put on an act of importance and superiority to maintain the ruse, heightening the significance of their role in others’ lives, lest their true languid nature be uncovered.

I’m not speaking of…

“We’re gonna rock this town, rock it inside out!” he says, alive with passion.

“But I’m not ready!” she barks back, killing his excitement.

Why do women say they want a guy who is spontaneous, but then get upset when he IS just that?

For the short answer, I’ll quote Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. Remember the scene when he arrives at the hotel bar at 10 in the morning then waits hours for Mary Swanson to appear? (Of course she does not because Harry has intervened) Lloyd tells the bartender, “You know girls . . . …

Smokin’ in the boy’s room used to be cool, especially if you were a girl. But for too many years the uptight Nazi-like powers that be have exhausted all efforts to rid the planet of tobacco use.

At first it appeared this was done in an effort to save our lungs and keep us healthier. Who could argue? Studies were conclusive, and yes, inhaling smoke was deemed harmful to a person’s organism—shocker. But warning labels weren’t enough. …