The conclusion that continuously breaking up because you get bored, rather than not loving that…
Matija Marohnić
81

I’m a bit tired of the subjective police (article coming soon…), i.e. people who police others for not putting enough “it’s my personal most subjective opinion that” before each statement. You can’t claim anything objectively without data, we’re all just sharing opinions, so your claims aren’t any more true than the author’s.

No I’m saying that the author is making generalisations on behalf of other people. You can’t claim subjectivity policing when the author is advocating a course of action for other people. She’s not saying “hey you should try…”, she’s saying “You need to…”

Thus the criticism is valid, and your complaint, trivial.

The conclusion that continuously breaking up because you get bored, rather than not loving that person anymore, means that monogamy is not for you sounds pretty reasonable to me.

False dichotomy. Maybe, and I know this works for a lot of people, and I know that a lot of people do need to try it is being alone.

If you’re not deriving satisfaction from one partner anymore, why is adding more partners to the mix going to help?

I also dispute that playing the field is polyamory. I know it’s very trendy to say “I’m in a polyamorous relationship” but it seems the author is just describing fucking around. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s just a pretentious label for an activity as old as time itself.

See? It sounds like you pulled this statement out of thin air. From my experience, polyamorous relationship are often very honest and mature and people in the community are very smart and wonderful people. Unlike monogamous relationships where one cheating can destroy a 20 year-old relationship.

You’re generalising. I didn’t pull this statement out of thin air. I’ve seen many social scenes experiment with polyamory and it was just as capable of destroying relationships as cheating.

I’ve seen one successful polyamorous relationship — and it was only successful for the two people in it, everybody else felt used and undervalued.

Of course you might feel that any data that doesn’t align with your own is “pulled from thin air” but I’d argue it’s not hard to rationalise away contrary opinion when you’re getting laid.

Frankly, the whole FWB thing breaking down because one person develops feelings is a cliche for a reason. The same applies to open relationships that break down because one partner isn’t comfortable with it. If you don’t see that, maybe you haven’t evaluated your partner(s) feelings well enough, or maybe you’ve just completely divorced sex from emotion. Neither are sustainable in the long term.

It’s not so crazy to draw that conclusion. Maintaining with multiple relationships requires knowing yourself very well. I would say that polyamorous people generally had to put more work into their relationship, to go against the cultural norm of monogamy.

I’d say that this is firstly, pretentious. I’d say that it could require knowing yourself very well, but it could also require being capable of ignoring the feelings of others to suit your own; or it could just require a penchant for self delusion. I’ve seen all of them. However, if you’re drawing a sense of superiority from your pattern of sexual relations …. maybe you’re just self-centered, which might explain why your monogamous relationships are breaking down as well.

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