It’s past midnight again, fuck I can’t sleep! I have an overwhelming number of shitty thoughts crossing my mind. I want them to stop, but they aren’t. What should I do? I just want to rest…
It’s 1 a.m. now, I am still thinking? You’re wondering about what? Well, I guess I am probably thinking of the same things you think of when you can’t sleep…studies, life, relationships, trying to get a girlfriend, money…the future.
Oh, boy that future, it’s so scary…I have never been scared as I am now. It used to be a an image, a blurry image, far far away from my mind…I thought of it many times but now it’s getting real.
The future fascinated me, excited me, back when it was a distant picture…now that it’s really getting closer it stopped being so exciting and interesting. I always knew where I will end up, back in school, it was clear, finish one year move to the next. No major changes. Even with university we get to move to a bigger high school I guess.
6 months from now I will graduate…I might be employed or I might not be…but scared I will be for sure, or so I feel like. Where the hell am I going to live, bye bye friends, bye bye beautiful dorms. How much am I getting paid? Who’s going to be my boss? What sort of tasks am I going to be doing? Will I like my job? Will I like my boss? Will I like my colleagues? Will I be able to quit if I am sick of it all?
It’s almost 5.30am now, I am too tired. Finally, I can get some rest.