Changing My Mind About Stay-at-home Moms
Let`s start from the very beginning. I was raised by my mother on her own. She was alone. She and my father got separated a few months after I was born and divorced about 2 or 3 years later. He was not in my life. I have 2 or 3 memory recollections of him, and then there are only those parts, where I start thinking, analyze the situation and realize that I have a mother only, which is not enough, because everyone has a father and I need one too, so where is mine? And then the drama begins. However, this is not a subject for today.
Naturally, as my mom was the only one taking care of me, she had to work really-really hard. There was no time to pity herself or something. She worked hard, she dealt with issues she faced and she set an example for me — it gets brutal, but you can deal with it. As one could see from some of my posts, I am a much more gentle creature than she is, because I have been given all the love and care of the world, but I can be tough too. Sometimes too much.
Frankly speaking, I grew up despising women, who stayed at home and did not do much. I could not understand, why they were making this choice. I believed there was only one way to go — to work! Later, when I got to see the world a bit more, I realized that in some families men earn enough to cover the costs of living for the whole family, so women actually do not have to work. Well, I thought it was bullshit. Again, my personal experience showed that you should never fully rely on someone else, especially when it comes to such scale.
Later on I met with people, who came from families, where fathers worked and mothers did not. In most cases it meant that fathers…
- …had lovers and mothers had to deal with it;
- …made every choice out there and mothers had no voice whatsoever;
- …received all the praise and mothers were seen as either cooks and house care takers or just reproductive system representatives.
When the worst (but was it the worst, really?) happened, like divorces, these mothers found themselves in extremely uncofmortable conditions — they did not have husbands, who paid for everything anymore, but they still did not have a job and had no way to earn money. Is not it scarry? I mean, I do believe that men should give money for their children`s upbringing after separation, but no man should pay for his ex-wife activities after they are not together anymore. It just does not make any sense. However, what these men should not do also is this — they should never ask their wives to leave their jobs or make them do so, because one day they will change their minds and these women have already spent decades not working.
As a result, I made an unconscious or a very conscious decision — every woma should work no matter what kind of marriage she is. She should always have her salary and her money. She should always know that if something goes wrong, she can help her children or herself on her own without asking someone. She should! And that is how I started despising stay-at-home moms.
When my friends started getting married (just getting married and not working) or getting pregnant too (because why not go for it as a package?) without having ever worked, I got mad at them too. We live in the world, where you can do so many exciting things, so why no try at least some of them? Why turn yourself into a housewife at the age of 20–22 in 2016? WHY? But this is what they were doing, and I could not understand it. OK, you have some ideas about marriage, OK, you think you want to get married now. Deal! That is not an issue, but why aren`t you working? Why are you making yourself so vulnerable? WHY? No idea. I never ask, because I do not want to hurt anyone, but I wish I could. I do not think they would have answers.
However, here comes the surprize of this post. The change in my attitude hapenned, when I kept on comparing my own childhood to the childhood of Amanda Watters` 3 children. I am obsessed with Amanda`s Instagram and her blog. From time to time I feel like asking her, if I could become her fourth child, because I would love that (sorry, mom). As I kept on seeing the way she approaches motherhood and how much she is capable of giving to her children, I realized that…no matter who you are and what you do, you must have these magical years (maybe just one, maybe a couple) to be with your babies, to nurture and love them, to show them real kindness and care, to create bonds with them, to make happy human beings out of them.
As a result, from now on, I see motherhood a little bit differently. I do not want to ask my “WHY?” anymore, I want to thank men, who enable their wives to stay at home and be with their children for some time. Also I want to ask them to respect them no matter what happens and always see them as equals, because guess what? Giving birth and upbringing new humans is the hardest job out there and definitely the most responsible one. If more children were truly loved and taken care of, we would have less mean, miserable creatures, who create trouble when they grow up. Don`t you think?
P.S. If you are a stay-at-home mom, and your kids watch as much TV or play computer games as much as those who live with a full-time working mom, I am sorry, but you are not doing it right.